


Always coming back for more

by Noonesangel_noonesbitch



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Attempted Non Con, Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rick is a hot mess, Slow Burn, Violence, implied non con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-07-18 13:25:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7316980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noonesangel_noonesbitch/pseuds/Noonesangel_noonesbitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl has a lot to think about.<br/>Rick has a lot to be sorry for.<br/>"Times they are a changing..."</p>
<p>"Your lover or your right hand man, you choose!"</p>
<p>(For the purposes of this story, season 6 finale did not happen!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been in the shadows a while; enjoying the great fics from others. This is my first published work. 
> 
> All mistakes are mine. This is unbetaed. 
> 
> I own nothing. I'm just borrowing these guys for my own entrainment. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy. Please comment!

"Your lover or your right hand man, you choose!" 

Daryl knew he was fucked. His shoulder burned like hell. The bullet was still in his arm. The rag tied around the wound was all dirt and blood. He wouldn't look at Rick. Daryl knew they were most likely going to kill them all anyway. He didn't want to hear Rick's decision; he knew what it would be. 

Rick had already chosen Michonne. He didn't say it in words but seeing them go to bed together each night was proof enough. Daryl had started staying with Aaron and Eric in their guest room. When Rick didn't bother to ask why or even try to get Daryl to come home, Daryl knew Rick was sending him a message. He received it loud and clear. Dixons didn't stay where they weren't wanted. 

Daryl swallowed behind his gag as he heard Michonne's muffled yells behind hers. He lay his head back against the wooden post he was tied to as he closed his eyes. This wasn't his decision. He was staying out of it. He refused to absolve Rick of any guilt or beg to be saved. He focused on tuning out the voices around him. 

He felt eyes burning into him. He slowly opened his to see Glenn staring at him. He noted voices close by. Rick and Michonne. After a pointed look from Glenn he tuned into what was being said, "take him, he's injured Rick. They aren't giving him medical care. If you don't he'll die." Rick didn't respond outloud. 

Rick's heavy footsteps grew closer. He crouched in front Daryl. Daryl averted his eyes.

"How you want me to play this man?" Daryl didn't respond. 

Daryl blamed himself that they were in this mess in the first place. All the should haves were playing in stereo in his head. Rick placed his hand on Daryl's shoulder. Daryl flinched then stiffened. He heard the huff of Rick's breath. 

Rick pulled the gag down with the one the saviors watching closely. "I'm not making this decision alone Daryl." 

Daryl took a deep breath. "Jus' take yer family an go man."

 

"Daryl, you're my family too."

 

The archer shook his head. "Nah, I ain't." 

He turned his head toward the savior keeping watch. "It's me ya want. I killed yer guys. I'm the one Dwight's got beef with."

 

The savior spoke up, "you're with them."

 

"Nah. Ain't no more. I was, but ain't no more, not fer a long time." 

Glenn yelled behind his gag, kicking at the dirty floor. Michonne screamed behind hers. Rick stumbled back as if someone had punched him in the gut. Rosita didn't react. She was watching Daryl's body language. 

"Dwight wants him. The rest of them can lead us back to their sweet little gated paradise."

 

Daryl stared at the floor as they led Glenn, Rosita, and Michonne out. 

From the door he heard the pain and raw emotion in Rick's voice, "why?"

 

Daryl grunted. "Don' matter why." 

Daryl sank against the wooden post. He had to be careful with his shoulder hurting like it was. He had managed to hold his arm stiff claiming the wound made it that way. That gave him a fraction of wiggle room. It felt like hours before he was able to get himself loose. 

He looked around the makeshift shed for anything that could be used as a weapon. He found a pair of pliers and a pitchfork. It was a hell of a lot better than charging out with nothing. He slid the pliers in his back pocket before grabbing the pitchfork and holding it in a fighting stance. 

He stealthy opened the door. No one was in sight. He carefully made it around one side of the building. He could hear voices but didn't see anyone. He followed the voices silently and slowly. They were scattered and all had their backs to him. 

He took the guy on the outer corner out first, silently snapping his neck. He pulled a knife and a revolver off him. He stabbed him through the eye to make sure the fucker wouldn't come back. The dusky glow of the day was working in his favor. Rosita, Michonne, and Glenn were still tied and gagged. Rick was free but there was a gun to his head. 

Daryl took a deep breath. He ran fast but quietly to the next closest man. He stabbed him in the back of the head and caught him before he hit the ground. He pocketed the revolver then took the man's 9 mm, hooking it in his belt. Dwight was the furthest from him. He was yelling loudly at Rick. 

There had been five of them total. One more was on the perimeter, one was near Dwight. After Daryl took out the third man he decided he needed a distraction to get the gun off Rick's head. He was behind a truck. Merle had one just like it in a different life. Daryl looked for any sign that this truck did what Merle's did. He saw the wood wedged under the front tire. Daryl actually smiled. 

The truck began moving once the wood was free. Daryl gave it a good shove as he ran around the tailgate. He couldn't remember how often he had chased that piece of shit truck of Merle's. Damn thing never stayed in park.  
He crouched behind the RV waiting for the right moment. Daryl figured Dwight would send the other man to check it out. He could still hear Dwight's voice but not what he was saying. 

Daryl was right, the other man came running to check out the truck. Daryl grabbed him from behind slicing his throat. He pushed the dead man under the truck. He knew this was too easy. He knew Rick wouldn't have come by himself either. How many did he bring with him? Where were they? How many more saviors were there? 

Dwight was now yelling for the other men. Daryl had made sure their bodies weren't just lying around, except for the one he shoved under the tires of the truck. No one came. There was a campfire where Rick and the others were being held. Rick's hands were now tied behind his back. 

Daryl snuck closer. He could pick up certain words. He was able to make out that Abraham was with Rick. Where the fuck was that big ginger? Soon the answer came. Dwight's voice was clearer from his current position. "Your red-headed friend won't wake up for awhile. Glad we knocked his big ass out inside that RV, don't think we could have carried him." That answered, Daryl worked on the next step. 

Dwight called for the men again. "Dumbasses" he muttered. Daryl didn't figure he would leave his prisoners to go look for them. He also knew that large fire was bound to draw walkers sooner or later. Once Dwight lowered his gun as he walked a little farther off, searching for his men. Daryl saw his chance. 

He cut Rick free, dropped the revolver in the leader's lap and dashed past him. He caught Dwight in the temple with the butt of the 9 mm. Daryl hog tied the man as Rick cut the rest of their people free. He fought the urge to kill Dwight right then. Rick would want him alive for information. 

Daryl shoved Dwight's tied unconscious body at Rick's feet. "Figured ya want info outta 'im." 

Rick tried to lock eyes with Daryl. Daryl ducked his head then moved past the ex-sheriff. Daryl looked around until he found Michonne's katana, Rosita's gun, and Glenn's gun. He returned the weapons to their rightful owners. He put his crossbow and his bike in the truck he had used earlier. 

"We better get going. Dwight said they were waiting on others." Rick drawled. 

Daryl slid behind the wheel of the truck. Rosita hopped into the passenger seat. After the RV started out he trailed it.

"I get what you said back there, about not being family. You don't feel like you have a place there anymore. Even though the world is still completely fucked they're all playing house." 

Daryl was quiet. Rosita continued, "I feel the same way. I don't belong there anymore. If you're gonna leave I want to come with you." 

Daryl huffed at that. "Yer pissed ya ain't playing house no more." 

Rosita didn't sound angry, just deflated. "Maybe." They rode in silence after that. 

Daryl parked the truck, made sure it wouldn't roll, then headed for the infirmary. With Denise gone he figured he might have to dig the bullet out by himself. Eugene and Rosita made sure that didn't happen. Eugene gathered up antibiotics for him. Rosita helped Daryl remove the bullet, clean the wound and stitch it up. 

The exhaustion hit him once that was done. The adrenalin wave he had ridden for hours crashed. He barely made it to the room he was staying in at Aaron and Eric's. He fell face first onto the bed. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow. 

Daryl woke up groggy. The sun was slanted in a way that let him know it was almost noon. His entire body hurt. He groaned as he tried to sit up. His head was throbbing. His arm pain was down to a dull constant ache. 

A bottle of water appeared in front of him. Daryl took it gratefully. "We need to talk about yesterday. About what you said." 

Daryl remained quiet but shook his head. 

"It wasn't a question. We're going to talk about it Daryl."

 

Daryl shoved the water back at the person, hard. He headed for the bathroom. "Nah, Rick. We ain't." Daryl locked the door behind him. 

Daryl took his time checking his stitches. He stepped into the shower washing off all the dirt, grease, and dried blood from his body. He took longer than necessary hoping Rick would take the hint and leave. Long after the water ran clear and Daryl had washed every part of himself twice he finally turned the shower off. He trimmed his scruff as well as his hair just a little. He put new bandages around his shoulder. Eugene had given him a sling but Daryl doubted he would use it. Once he had done everything possible in the bathroom he walked out in just a towel. 

Daryl narrowed his eyes at the person sitting in the chair by his bed. "Get out." 

He didn't yell but his voice was full of threat. Michonne leaned forward. "I want to talk to you."

 

"Don' feel like talkin. Yer boyfriend was here earlier. Told 'im tha same thang." 

Michonne opened her mouth to speak. Daryl cut her off. 

"Best y'all can do is leave me be." When Michonne rose to leave Daryl locked the door behind her. 

He slept most of the afternoon. He only opened the door when Aaron brought him food. "Wanna talk about it?" 

Daryl shook his head as he took the tray. "Nah. Thanks fer tha room an tha food." 

Aaron smiled. "You're welcome to stay with us as long as you want." Daryl grunted then shut the door. He knew they were worried about him and he hated that. Aaron and Eric were good people. He didn't want to cause them any trouble.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, for the kudos and the comments. I hope you enjoy this chapter. :-)

Daryl got up before sunrise. He saw Sasha at the gate. "How's Abraham?" He hoped the man was awake by now. 

"He's awake and ever more pissed off." 

Daryl gave a mirthless chuckle. "I bet. Must've taken a lot to knock his ass out. Glad he's ok." 

Sasha smiled warmly at Daryl. "You going to be okay?"

"Yeah." Sasha nodded. "Good. Our door is open to you anytime. Whatever you need." 

Daryl nodded. "If I bag a rabbit I'll bring it to 'im, know it's his favorite." 

Sasha gave him a pointed look. "Don't overdo it out there. You need to heal." 

Daryl nodded as he walked toward the gate. 

Spencer tried to brace himself. "Rick don't want anybody leaving."

 

"Jus' goin' right out in tha woods. Never hurts ta have more meat. Plus I'll check tha perimeter. Look, tell 'im I didn't give ya a choice. Cause I ain't." 

Spencer saw the hardness in his eyes. He knew Daryl was getting out of the gate one way or the other. He opened the door. Daryl hustled out. 

Daryl sat down in the hollow of a tree. He had laid several snares. Now he just needed to wait. He could breath easier here in the heart of the forest. All the emotions weighing him down slowly melted away. His thoughts cleared as he sat in the solitude. It slowly dawned on him that he meant what he said. He hadn't been with Rick and the others for a while. 

Somewhere along the way he checked out. He hated that Carol left but he understood it. She loved them all too much. She couldn't deal with what this life made her. He had thought about leaving more than he would ever admit. Before the world went to shit he had nothing but Merle, which wasn't a lot. Daryl wasn't somebody that anyone would ever miss. Now he had people that actually cared about him. People he cared about. Sometimes it felt like too much. 

He tried to keep his thoughts away from Rick. He hated the dull vague ache that settled in his chest when the ex-deputy came to mind these days. Daryl wasn't good with feelings. He never seemed to articulate them very well. What he was feeling about Rick, Michonne, and all the shit surrounding that was nothing short of a nuclear level clusterfuck. Best to steer clear of it until it wasn't threatening to blow them all to hell. They had much more pressing matters to deal with, like surviving. Daryl took a deep breath. He let the peace of the woods envelope and soothe him. For the first time in a while he began to relax. 

Rosita opened the gate for him. "Rick's been looking for you."

 

Daryl had a small doe over his good shoulder. "He can keep lookin', 'M busy." 

Rosita cracked a smile as Daryl strode off. He had field dressed the deer and two rabbits in the woods away from the community. He finished processing them in the work room he had fixed up after they first arrived. 

"I said no one goes out that gate without my approval."

 

Daryl ignored the anger in Rick's voice. "Ya didn't say it ta me."

 

"It applies to everyone, especially you."

 

"Ain't gon' be no prisoner Rick. Even if yer the jailer."

 

"What the fuck is going on with you?"

 

Daryl just shrugged. He had yet to turn away from his work to look at the other man. "Thangs are changin'."

 

"Oh so you think you don't matter to the group?"

 

"Don' think that."

 

"Then what are you thinking Daryl? I can't seem to figure it out these days."

 

"Ain't nothin' fer ya ta figure out."

 

"We've got this huge threat hanging over our heads and you tell them we ain't your family."

 

Daryl stood and whirled around. He backed Rick against the wall. The finger poking into Rick's chest must have hurt because Rick winced. 

"Don' ya ever doubt ma commitment ta this group! Ya worried 'bout me helpin' with this threat? Well don'! I'll do everythang I can ta keep Carl an' Asskicker safe. To see that Glenn an' Maggie can grow a family. That Sasha an' Red can have a happily ever after." 

Daryl walked backwards away from Rick. The shock in Rick's eyes mildly amused Daryl. Everyone always thought Rick was top dog. That Rick was the one alpha personality. Daryl just let them think it. No one needed to know how much power he possessed. Rick knew it, but he had the tendency to forget. 

"What about me?" Rick's voice was soft.

 

"Ya always make it."

 

"That's not what I meant"

 

"What'd ya mean then Rick?"

 

"You talked about the kids and couples. 

You didn't mention me or Michonne. So what about me?"

 

Daryl was glad he had his back to Rick. That question caught him off guard.  
"Ya always do what ya want Rick. Everybody else gets with tha program or they learn ta shut tha fuck up an' stay outta tha way. 'Sides, ain't none of my business what goes on in yer bedroom." 

"Is that why you're staying with Aaron and Eric?"

 

"Didn't have no place else to go. Ain't in their way. Even got ma own room."

 

"Daryl you're welcome with us. You aren't in the way. We can fix up the attic for you."

 

"Nah. 'M good. Ain't coming back." 

Rick looked as if Daryl had slapped him. He floundered for what to say. "The kids miss you."

 

"I'll come see em. I miss em too."

 

"But not me and Michonne?"

 

"Jus' need my space Rick."

 

The tension grew with the silence between them. Rick felt lightheaded. His breaths came out in short little puffs. "Close tha door on yer way out, tha wind's pickin' up."  
Rick left without another word. 

 

In the next week Daryl visited with Glenn and Maggie. He was glad to see she was better. Glenn was happy to have him around. They both offered him their extra room. He took the rabbit meat to Abraham. Sasha insisted he stay for dinner. They played cards and drank beer. He actually had fun. 

He even checked on Tobin, they both missed Carol badly. Daryl tried not to let it get it to him but if he was honest it broke his heart. He would never admit the tears he shed in private over her leaving. He started visiting Carl and Judith during the day while Rick and Michonne weren't around. Carl was so glad to see him, the teenager almost knocked him down that first visit. He had tackled Daryl into a hug. Neither let go for a while.

"What did Dad do? This is some fight y'all are having. I thought you'd be home by now."

 

Daryl shook his head. "Ain't no fight kid. Thangs are jus' changin'. Y'all need yer space an' all."

 

"You aren't coming back are you?"

 

"Not ta live here. I'll still see ya. 'M right down tha street."

 

"This sucks" was Carl's answer. Daryl silently agreed. 

 

It had been three weeks since Daryl had spoken to either Rick or Michonne. It was easier than he thought. He just avoided them. They no longer sought him out. He wasn't hurt by that. He had asked for space. They had honored his request. It made his day to day life a little easier. 

Maggie approached him about going with her to Hilltop. She needed to see the doctor as well as get more supplies. For the time being Negan and the saviors weren't bothering either community. They knew it was far from over so they used the lull to prepare.

"I need you. You're our best shot. Glenn and I both would feel better if you went."  
Maggie pled with her eyes as well as her words. 

"Who alls goin'?"

 

"Me, Glenn, Sasha, Eugene and you." Eugene had been running the infirmary and no doubt wanted to pick the doctor's brain. 

"Sasha seeing tha doctor too?"

 

Maggie shrugged but a smile played on her lips. 

"Big Red ok bein' left out?" Maggie nodded.

 

"How long will we be?"

 

"Couple of days. Four tops. Rick's okay with it too, not that you'd ask." 

Daryl grunted. "When we leavin?" 

An excited Maggie hugged the hunter. "First light tomorrow."

"I'll meet ya at tha RV." 

Daryl made sure to let Carl know he'd be gone for a few days. The young man wasn't happy about it but he agreed taking Daryl was smart. "Dad know?"

"Maggie said he did"

"Y'all ever going to talk again?"

Daryl looked at Carl in subtle shock. 

"I'm not a kid anymore. You and Dad both taught me to be observant. You're Dad's best friend. He isn't himself."

 

"He's got a lot goin' on. Weighs on 'im, he'll be a'right."

 

He patted Carl on the back. "Yeah maybe but he doesn't have anyone to talk to."

 

"He's got ya an' Michonne."

 

"We aren't you Daryl. He misses you." 

Daryl didn't know what to say to that so he didn't say anything. 

He was the first one at the RV. Eric had packed him some snacks even though Daryl had protested. He watched the others arrive as he ate some trail mix. It was pretty good. Eugene arrived next. He climbed into the RV picking a seat first. Abraham came with Sasha. Daryl walked away to give them privacy. He smoked as he waited. The last to arrive were Glenn and Maggie. Maggie looked green around the gills. Her glare cut anyone off from asking about her. 

Glenn was driving and wanted Daryl riding shotgun. Daryl grunted in agreement. He let everyone get settled. He paced a little to stretch his legs before the long ride. He didn't look up when another person appeared. He didn't need to; he knew who it was. 

"Wanted to talk to you before you left."

 

"Whatcha got ta say Rick?"

 

Rick sighed heavily. "I miss my best friend. Please come back with them. Don't stay at Hilltop."

 

"Why tha fuck would I stay there?" He looked Rick in the eyes for the first time in weeks. 

Rick had the good sense to duck his head as he mumbled. "Jesus, maybe."

Daryl wanted to hit him. Punch him so hard he would hit the ground. How dare he! "Really Rick? Tha fuck with this!" Daryl turned to walk off. 

Rick grabbed his arm. 

"Let go of me." 

Rick held on. 

"Now." 

The simmering rage in Daryl's voice caused Rick to drop his hold. "Please Daryl."

 

"Please wha Rick? I told ya a long time ago, I ain't nobody's bitch. Ya got a family waitin' fer ya. Git back to 'em."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up kiddos!

Daryl walked wearily into Aaron and Eric's house after a hard four days. He was exhausted. Hilltop needed so much more preparation for what was coming. 

He barely heard Aaron's voice. "We tried to stop him. We'll help you move everything back." 

Daryl saw the panic in both their faces. He looked into his room. All of his stuff was gone. He didn't need to ask. He tried to remain calm at least until he reached the street. 

He didn't knock. He wasn't quiet either. He slammed the door open then stalked straight up the stairs to the attic. He yanked open the door. He started grabbing all his things. He could tell that Rick had done this, even down to the thick dark green rug under the wood framed bed. Everything was done in natural rich colors, like a forest inside. 

"You don't like it?" Rick was leaning casually against the doorjamb with his arms crossed over his chest. 

"Ain't moving back in. Ya had no right." Even in his haste Daryl was careful not to mess anything up. He wanted Carl to have it. He wanted it to remain nice for the boy. 

Daryl stomped into the small bathroom to retrieve his razor and toothbrush. 

"I wish you would at least think about it." Rick walked further into the room. "Daryl you have choices." 

Daryl felt the control on his emotions slipping. "Nah I ain't got choices." He turned to point at Rick, "you got choices. The rest of us just deal with all tha bullshit that comes after you make those choices!" Daryl emphasized the word "you" and pointed at Rick each time he said it. Neither man noticed the crowd gathering on the landing. 

"Daryl." Rick's tone was harsh.

"Don' take that damn tone with me Rick. Not me! I know ya better'n that. Our fearless leader ain't so fearless. An that's ok. It ain't ok to fuck with people an' their feelings. Ya wanna do this, then do it. I'll be damned if I'll stand by an jus' watch us burn ta hell. Ya can't have us both. Ya know that. Told ya that 'fore you started this. Ya jus' can't." Daryl's voice was barely a whisper by the end of his speech. 

Daryl shoved the rest of his stuff into his backpack. He only realized they had an audience when he had to shove his way past everyone. He ruffled Carl's hair. "Sorry kid." 

Carl hugged him tight. "I'm sorry too." 

Daryl lifted the young man's chin. "Don'. Don' ever apologize fer other people's shit. It'll kill ya inside. I learned tha hard way. Don' blame 'im too much either. He's yer dad an' a good man. Somethangs jus' ain't meant ta be."

Daryl kissed Judith's cheek. The girl kissed his nose and ran her fingers over his face. She cooed at him. He met Michonne's eyes. She spoke first. "I didn't know." 

Daryl gave her a soft smile. "No one did 'Chonne. Don' be too hard on him. He's gonna need ya." She reached out and squeezed the archer quickly.

 

"What about you?"

 

"I'll be a'right." He squeezed her back before he slipped down the stairs then out into the street. 

He spent the rest of the afternoon sorting his gear.

 

"You're leaving." It wasn't a question. Aaron and Eric both stood in the doorway of the garage. 

"Fer now, yeah. Got a offer. 'M gonna take it." 

Eric had his hands full of food packets. Aaron had a bag with motorcycle parts and tools. 

"You need to eat." Eric smiled. "Make room for these."

 

"You need these more than me" Aaron added. Daryl smiled at them. 

"That's mighty nice of ya. This s'more'n I need." Aaron gave him a look that said "take it." Daryl declined to argue. 

 

Word spread pretty quickly. After having a meal with everyone except Rick, who had disappeared, Daryl took a walk around the community. "Don't leave me." 

Daryl turned around slowly. Rick looked a mess. His eyes were red, his nose was running. Daryl knew he had been crying. His heart went out to the man in front of him. Daryl sat down in the grass. He patted the empty space beside him. Rick fell there in a heap. He leaned against Daryl heavily. Daryl put his arm around Rick's shoulders. 

"Ain't abandoning any of ya. 'M gonna protect us, jus' from a different place. Hilltop is weaker than we are. Made a deal, yer gettin chickens an' a cow. I'm goin' to help tha blacksmith make bows an' knives. We need tha food as much as we need 'em to be prepared." He paused before continuing. "Jus' can't be here right now."

 

"I don't blame you for hating me. Or for leaving."

 

"Don' hate ya Rick. Couldna if I tried. Ain't tryin'."

 

"I can't choose. I couldn't back in that barn and I can't now." Rick buried his face in Daryl's neck. Daryl sighed at the contact. 

Daryl nodded knowingly. Rick had chosen, rather he realized it or not. "Y'all got a shot at bein' a real family. Tha kids need that."

 

"You're my family Daryl."

 

"I know. I want ya happy an' well an' sane an' whole. I'm not standing in tha way of that." 

Rick's body shook with a silent sob. "You'll be back?"

 

"Made ya a promise long time ago. Always come back ta ya don' I?"

 

Rick nodded. "You do."

 

"Then quit yer worryin'."

 

Rick took a ragged breath, "people don't realize it, but you're stronger than me Daryl."

 

"Nah. We got different strengths is all." Daryl wasn't sure how long they stayed like that. Rick needed the comfort and Daryl needed to hold him. Daryl wasn't leaving because he wanted to, he was trying to put his family first. 

 

Sasha stood at the gate as he pushed his bike up to it before sunrise. Daryl knew, that like him she wasn't big on displays of affection, so it surprised him when she hugged him hard. "This isn't goodbye Dixon."

 

"Yer right, it ain't."

 

"You know after Bob and Tyrese, I lost my way. It took me a while to find it again. I know you aren't lost. You know what you want as well as what you need. In time it'll come to you. You deserve good Daryl." He gave her a genuine smile then gently squeezed her hand. 

Daryl had hoped to avoid any big public goodbyes by heading out early. He had spoken to each member of his family separately last night. Carl and Judith had been the hardest. The boy didn't cry in front of Daryl but his heartache was evident. Daryl held the baby girl until she had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Aaron and Eric were up when he woke. They made sure he had a big mug of coffee then breakfast before he left. All three of them were pretty quiet. They also didn't try to hug him when loaded up. He was grateful for all of it. 

Just before Sasha opened the gate a hand dropped onto Daryl's shoulder. "I got it Sasha." 

She nodded as she walked off. Daryl looked up into Rick's eyes. He didn't look like he had slept at all. 

"Ya look like hell." 

Rick chuckled softly. "Yeah well my best friend is leaving today." Rick slid his hand down Daryl's arm. Daryl barely breathed as Rick put his hand on top of Daryl's. 

"Rick I ain't big on sloppy goodbyes."

 

"I know, but I couldn't let you leave without being here."

 

"Cause yer a damn masochist." 

Rick pressed a kiss into Daryl's hair. Daryl sighed deeply. He was not going to feel bad about this. This tiny sliver of affection was his reward. He leaned into the touch. He had gotten better at not flinching away when his family touched him. Still the only touches he ever truly welcomed and wanted though belonged to the Grimes family. His mind begged, just give them this moment. That is all he and Rick ever were; a series of moments.

"Come back to me Daryl." Rick's voice was soft and emotional.

"Told ya I would. I keep my promises Rick."

 

Daryl looked up at him then. Both their eyes were red rimmed with unshed tears. Daryl squeezed Rick's hand. "Gotta get goin." Rick pulled away slowly and hesitantly. 

Rick opened the gate. Daryl rolled the bike out into the open. He approached Rick. He slipped a rabbit's foot on a cord into Rick's hand. Rick recognized it from the night of their fight in Daryl's work room. Carl and Judith both had one. "I got tha other one. This one's yers."

 

"To keep me safe?"

 

"Sumthin' like that." Daryl winked. Rick pulled him into a tight embrace. Daryl let his body mold against Rick's just for a second. Daryl refused to look back once he started up the bike. "I'll always come back to ya" he whispered into the roar of his motorcycle as he sped off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me. Please.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That last chapter! I know, I know!

Daryl was in the blacksmith station. After a few tries and weeks worth of work they had made a dozen simple bows, eight knives, six machetes, and two replicas of Daryl's crossbow. Daryl spent his evenings making arrows and bolts. He was tired, but the work kept his mind busy. He knew he would miss everyone, but it was much harder than he thought. 

He had declined staying inside the main house or any of the trailers. Instead he made his small camp at the far back of the property. Despite the efforts of the doc and Jesus, Daryl pretty much stayed away from everyone. He was teaching a small group how to shoot the bows.

"I need your help." 

Daryl didn't look up but acknowledged the man with a grunt. 

"I want to teach people to defend themselves. You're a natural at it. Will you help me?"

 

Daryl looked up at Jesus. "Depends on 'xactly what ya want. I ain't babysittin'."

 

"I don't expect you to, this will be only for people who are serious; like your bow class."

 

Daryl thought it over. "When?"

 

"I'll let you know. See you at dinner?"

 

"Nah got work to do."

 

"You know that excuse won't work forever Daryl." 

 

Two days later Maggie bounded out of the RV. She made a beeline for Daryl. Her squeal of delight at seeing him made him smile. She wrapped him in a huge bear hug. Glenn came around. He didn't give Daryl a choice as he hugged the archer. 

"Miss you man." 

Daryl just grunted.

He was thrilled to see them. He knew by looking at Maggie that she needed the doctor. She looked about ready to pop. Daryl wasn't expecting Aaron to climb out of the RV. Daryl smirked when Aaron held up a bag of trail mix for him. 

"From Eric. He said come home he misses his taste tester." 

Daryl chuckled at that.

Daryl had been gone almost two months. He wasn't prepared for the other person who stepped out. Daryl almost hit his knees when he saw Carol. He didn't hesitate. He rushed forward and swept her up in his arms, squeezing her tight. 

"Miss me Pookie?"

 

"Fucking a! An don't think yer gonna get out o' a talk 'bout ya taking off like that woman!" 

Maggie, Glenn and Aaron were staying at the main house. Carol opted to stay with Daryl. They had a lot to talk about. 

"Morgan found me. I didn't want to come back at first, but I didn't want his death on my hands. Plus I was shot."

"Damn stubborn. Ya coulda talked ta me instead of jus' runnin' off."m

 

"Like you talked to me about you and Rick. Oh wait, you didn't."

 

Daryl stared into the fire. "'S different. Ain't jus' my story."

 

"Well it was pretty shitty of him if you ask me. He never considered your feelings and that led to you leaving. I was so angry when I found out you were gone." 

"Ain't all his fault Carol."

 

"Daryl Dixon! Don't you dare defend him. Not to me. How many times have I watched you pick up the pieces of that man and stitch him back together? Who does that for you? Not him."

 

"Stitch mahself up. Always have."

 

"The point is, you shouldn't have to Daryl." 

"What happened that night?"

 

"He chose her. I told 'im all of it that day. Laid mahself bare fer 'im an he went to bed with her that night." 

Daryl felt the twisting ache in his chest. That was the first time he spoke the words. Carol moved closer to him. She laid her head on his shoulder.

"You're a good man Daryl. You handled that better than anyone I know ever could."

 

"Can't blame 'im for not feelin' tha same."

 

"If you say so Pookie." 

 

Carol was asleep long before Daryl even thought of closing his eyes. Her words were running through his mind. He wasn't angry at Rick or Michonne, but did he have the right to be? He heard the footsteps approaching.

"'S late, wha ya doin' out here?" Daryl's tone wasn't gruff. 

"Do you hear everything?" Jesus asked.

 

"Nah, yer jus' loud as fuck."

 

"Wow, that's loud." 

Daryl gave him a strange look when the other man winked. 

"I came out to talk to you about the class, unless you're going back with them." 

Daryl tilted his head. He missed his family, even if Alexandria didn't feel like home. He wasn't sure he was ready to go back though. 

"When's tha class?"

"I'd like to start tomorrow afternoon."

 

"I'll be 'round Paul, jus' come get me." 

"Why do call me Paul?"

 

"That's yer name. Ain't ever had much luck talkin' to anyone called Jesus." 

Paul nodded. "You're the only one that calls me by my real name. I like that." 

Daryl felt Paul's eyes on him, he didn't look up. He didn't want to see what was in those eyes. He had noticed Paul watching him many times since he arrived at Hilltop. Daryl ignored it. 

"There's a room at the house with a bathroom and a big bed, she might be warmer and more comfortable there."

 

"Told her that, she wants ta be with me."

 

"You could join her."

 

"Nah, ain't much fer houses, 'specially fancy ones. 'M better off out here."

 

"If she stays with you, you need to rethink that. Winter will be here soon enough. There's a trailer available too."

Daryl grunted. He knew the other man was trying to figure out if he and Carol were together. Daryl wasn't going into his personal life. He came to Hilltop to avoid entanglements, not get into another one. Paul sat with him for a while. Daryl remained quiet; his mind was miles away.

Judith would be fast asleep. Carl would most likely be awake reading comics in his room. He didn't let himself think about where Rick and Michonne would be. Carol told him that Tara was sharing a house with Rosita and Eugene. She took Denise's death hard; which everyone expected. Maggie said she was doing better each day. He knew someone would be on watch as usual. He looked around Hilltop. It was similar but not at the same time.

Daryl quickly realized the difference. He didn't love anyone at Hilltop. He wasn't invested in them. They weren't invested in him either. They didn't even trust him to take watch. He worked at the blacksmith station and he hunted. For the most part no one spoke to him. It had been just what he needed. Making this place better defended helped his family in the long run. Daryl wondered how much longer he should stay.

Paul bid him goodnight with a pat on the shoulder. Daryl didn't flinch away but he didn't acknowledge the contact. 

"Goodnight Daryl." 

Daryl stared straight into the fire. "Night." 

His head was too full of nagging questions to be polite. Daryl hated small talk and honestly wanted to be alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to post!

Maggie was told to return in three weeks. "Maybe you'll come home then?" She asked Daryl with a soft tone.  "Maybe" was all the reply he gave. She squeezed him tight. Glenn pulled him into a one arm hug. "We'll see you soon man." Daryl nodded. 

"Tell Eric thanks fer tha snacks." 

Aaron smiled. "He'll love that." Aaron said goodbye before boarding the RV.

Carol offered to stay but Daryl knew she was needed back at Alexandria. It was harder for him to let her go than he expected. She handed him an envelope. "I almost didn't give you this. But that isn't my call to make. It's from Rick." Daryl looked at it for a moment before taking it then shoving it in his back pocket. She lightly stroked his cheek. "As badly as I want to pummel him for ever hurting you, I want you both happy." He gave a tiny nod then pulled her into a hug. "Take care of yourself Pookie." 

"Ya too woman. No more running off." Daryl watched until the vehicle was out of sight. 

That night at his campfire he fished the packet out of his back pocket. He stared at it. What had Rick thought was so important he needed to seal it up? When he opened the envelope he found seven letters.  Each one numbered. Daryl started reading in order. 

Dear Daryl,   
         You've been gone a week. It feels so much longer than that. Carl isn't speaking to me. He thinks it's my fault you left. Hell I think it's my fault you left, so I don't blame him. He moved into the attic like you suggested.   
         Carol is home. Eugene has turned into a good makeshift doctor. She was shot in the leg. He was able to remove the bullet and stitch her up very neatly. Morgan and Tobin are taking good care of her. She doesn't know you're gone yet. I dread telling her.  
         Judith is growing so fast. The extra veggies and fruit from Hilltop are really helping with that. Not to mention the fresh eggs from the chickens and milk we get from the cow. Thank you. She started pushing up onto her knees and holding that position a couple days ago. She'll be crawling soon.   
          I miss you.   
           -Rick

Daryl put the first letter back in the envelope. He was happy for the updates on the kids. The others hadn't said much about them.  He turned his attention to the second one. 

Dear Daryl,   
         It's been two weeks. I've been helping Maggie with the gardening. We are making progress. The tomatoes are coming in late. The pumpkins are growing quickly.   
         Carl hates shelling peas. Judith loves the cow. She squeals every time she hears her moo. We put the last of the blackberries up this week. I thought of you. I know they're your favorite.  I put a bag in the freezer for you.   
         Carol and Carl both aren't speaking to me right now. After she was deemed well enough I talked to her. Yell is an understatement. I thought she was going to kick my ass. The sad part is I think, no I know, I deserve it.   
          I know I fucked up with you. I miss you.   
          -Rick 

Daryl pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn't want Rick blaming himself or wallowing in sadness. He put the second letter away. He debated reading any more for now, but his curiosity won out. 

Dear Daryl:   
         Three weeks and counting. All I can think is how much I want you to come home. I know Alexandria doesn't feel like home. You weren't ever really comfortable here. I should have paid more attention to that. Even when you were avoiding me at least you were still here.   
        Judith got the hang of crawling. Now is she all over the place. She loves being on the porch. She keeps looking out to the street. Carl mentioned it too. We know she is looking for you. She says "Dada," "Car," and "Dar" now. She points down the street and asks "Dar?" 

Daryl put the letter down. His eyes were stinging. The thought of Judith calling for him broke his heart. He paced around the small fire. Why did he feel like part of a separated couple? He tried not to think about other words that Judith might be saying like "Chonne" or "Mama." 

He sat down heavily on the ground. His hands were shaking slightly. He shoved all of the letters back in the envelope. He tried to stop the tears from falling. Daryl didn't hear the footsteps approaching until they were right behind him. "I saw the fire still burning. It's almost 2. Are you okay?"   
Daryl didn't turn but grunted out, "yeah fine." Paul saw the shake of the archer's shoulders.

Paul knew something wasn't right. He saw the mug sitting near the fire where a pot of water was heating. He made Daryl a cup of tea. "Chamomile. It helps with sleep. Works better with whiskey which I have if you like." 

"Thanks. Whiskey'd be great."  
Paul poured a liberal amount into the tea mug before he handed it to Daryl. 

"Here you go." Daryl took it still not looking at the other man. 

Paul didn't push Daryl. He just sat in silence while Daryl drank the tea. The night was peaceful. The stars were out. Daryl was able to stop the tears. He avoided eye contact in case there was evidence of his break down. 

Paul put the large bottle of whiskey and several tea bags with Daryl's stuff. "For later." 

"Got another mug if ya want some." 

Paul nodded, "that'd be nice. I haven't been sleeping well."  
Daryl handed him the mug, a tea bag and the whiskey. He poured up the hot water for Paul. 

"Nightmares?" He asked softly. 

Paul sighed, "yeah. I don't usually remember everything but I remember enough to wake up drenched and horrified." Daryl hmmed. "Do you get them?" 

"Nah, my best friend did though. Used to wake me up screamin'." 

"Rick?"

"Yeah."

"Were you able to help?"

"Jus' listened. Seemed to be what he needed. If ya wanna talk I'll listen." 

Paul sipped from the mug. "Keep seeing people I loved die all over again." When Daryl didn't say anything he continued. "Everyone from my old life is gone. Most of them died in front of me. I felt like a failure because I couldn't save them. I still feel that way sometimes." 

Daryl finally turned to him. "Did ya try ta save 'em?"

"Yes."

"Did ya bury 'em, honor their death?"

"Yes"

"Do ya remember 'em an think of good times ya shared?"

"All the time."

"Are ya helping others survive in this world?"

"I'm trying."

"Then it ain't on ya Paul. Ya got nothing to regret." Daryl poured a little more whiskey into the other man's mug. 

Paul nodded. "Never thought of it that way." 

"Stuck in yer own head 's all. Helps to get out." 

"Who helps you get out of your head?" 

"Ain't a who. I hunt an track. Always felt at home in tha woods." Paul pondered that. 

"Who listens to Rick now that you're gone?" 

Daryl shrugged. "He don' get 'em no more." 

"And if he did?"

"Don' know. 'Chonne probably."

"Is she the reason you left?"

"Nope." 

"Then he's the reason?"

"What ya gettin' at Paul?"

"You left your family. You miss them. We're lucky to have you, and grateful too. But there's a reason you aren't going home." 

"I can be gone in the mornin'." 

"No one wants you to leave Daryl. I just get the sense something is wrong." Daryl grunted then turned away from Paul. 

"I've been going on the runs to Alexandria, so Maggie doesn't have to travel here. That first one, I had a bit of a run in."   
Daryl stilled. He wanted to ask but refused. He just knew Rick had done something stupid. "I learned quickly not to mention you doing well over here to one Rick Grimes. He's got a hell of a right hook."

Daryl turned back then. "He hit ya?" 

"Yeah he did. Hard too. Aaron and Eric let me stay with them. They iced down my jaw. They said you were a sore subject with him but didn't elaborate." 

Daryl rubbed his face. "Fuck. Sorry. "

"He is responsible for what he did. You aren't. He meant to send me a message."

"Yeah? Wha' was that?"

"To stay away from you."

"Lucky fer me ya don' listen I guess." 

Paul laughed. "Just wanted you to know if you need a friend you've got one. I'm a good listener too." Daryl gave a nod and a grunt of acknowledgement. Paul went back to the house leaving Daryl to his thoughts.


	6. Chapter 6

Over the next week Daryl stared at the envelope full of letters each night. He couldn't bring himself to pick them up or read further. He would eventually, he told himself. Paul joined him at the campfire almost every night. They discussed the defense class. It was going a lot better than Daryl had anticipated. The group was serious and focused. They were well aware that the Saviors were a growing danger. They also discussed their lives before. Paul had never had a real family. He grew up in foster homes. Daryl wasn't sure which of them had it worse growing up. The friendship grew organically. Paul could talk when needed but he wasn't opposed to silence either. Some nights they sat in silence each working on projects. 

Daryl had managed to dip the tips of each homemade arrow in metal. He tested them out by shooting a deer in the skull. The community was thankful for the meat. Daryl was very pleased with how well the arrow held up. He had tested each one on tree trunks and rocks as well. The metal made them so much stronger. 

 

Daryl sat down with a mug of tea. The nights were turning cooler. The warm liquid helped defend against the chill. He stared at the letters. He was even halfway through the package. Rick wrote him one for every week he had been gone at that time. He tried not to overthink what that meant. He sighed heavily before pulling out the third letter. He re-read the first part then picked up where he had stopped. 

"Carl is speaking to me again; barely but it's a start. I know he is still angry. I think he is confused too. I don't blame him. He looks up to you. I think I forgot how much all of us depend on you. I don't know how I forgot that.   
          Carol and Morgan brought back two horses. They are working with them; getting them used to people. Carl is itching to ride the young stallion. Morgan thinks he will be able to soon.   
          Every fucking day I miss you, and I know it's my fault. I handled ALL of this the wrong way.   
I miss you.   
-Rick 

Daryl re-read that last sentence, focusing on the capitalized letters of "all." He smoked a cigarette as nagging questions filled his mind. When he pulled out the fourth letter he realized the handwriting was sloppy and slanted. Rick must have been drunk when he wrote it.  

Daryl,   
      Four fucking weeks. When the fuck are you coming home? I can't fucking stand this. My skin crawls without you here. To quote Abraham I'm a "miserable fuck and a right pain in the ass."   
      The nightmares started again. A couple of weeks ago. Just as bad as before. I tried breathing like you taught me. Nothing works. I wake up drenched in sweat and screaming. I avoid sleep until I can't anymore, hoping I'll just pass out.   
        I need you and you aren't here. Why? Because I ran you off. For what? A chance to play house? A semi normal appearing life? Fuck that. I'm a twat. You should've left me. I would've left me. I'm drunk and my head hurts. Come home Dar. Please come home. Please come back to me.   
I miss you.   
-Rick 

He hated Rick was hurting. He could picture Rick sitting on the floor (because drunk Rick always ended up on the floor) writing the letter. He most likely scrubbed his hands over his face and through his hair. He probably spoke every word out loud as he wrote it. Daryl could imagine the huff in his voice and twist of disgust in his face when he called himself a twat. Daryl saw spatter marks on the paper. Rick either spilled some of his drink or he passed out face first on the paper. Daryl shook his head. 

Daryl couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. The whole scenario was cute. Daryl wouldn't admit it to anyone but he thought Rick was the damn cutest thing ever when he was sleepy, drunk, or grumpy. He seemed to be all three while writing the letter. Daryl carefully folded the paper before placing it back in the envelope with the rest. He debated reading another one. He couldn't resist. 

Dear Daryl,   
         It's been five weeks. It feels more like five years. I thought about tearing up that last letter. I decided not to because you always tell me not to hide from you. So here it is: I got piss drunk because I missed you so much. I was and still am a complete mess when it comes to this. I miss you in so many ways; ways I never imagined.   
         The kids are good. Both still growing like weeds. Mags looks ready to pop. I'm sure she'll be headed to the doctor soon. Michonne moved out last week. She's living in that little town house next to Morgan's. The one near Rosita, Eugene and Tara. It's for the best.   
          The crops are really coming in. We've been harvesting, drying, canning and putting up fruits and vegetables every day. Carol is a genius when it comes to getting creative with food and ways to save it. She still isn't speaking to me but she no longer gives me death glares. I'll take it.   
              Come home. Please.   
I miss you.   
Rick 

Daryl re-read that one sentence at least five times. "Michonne moved out last week." His eyes drifted down. "It's for the best." He thought that over. Best for whom? Carl was now alone with Rick and his baby sister. He no longer had Daryl or Michonne in the house with him. What about little Asskicker? Rick's kids didn't need to suffer because their dad couldn't get his shit together. He put the letters away, his mind racing.


	7. Chapter 7

Daryl left the community to go hunting before dawn. He had to clear his head. Rick's letters were haunting him. He thought Rick made his choice. Daryl had been clear that their friendship would survive. Daryl just needed time for his heart to heal. Those letters were pulling out each stitch. What the fuck did Rick want from him?

The day flew by in a flurry of activity. Daryl threw himself into every task he came across. By the time the sun set he should have been exhausted. Unfortunately he wasn't. He eyed the packet of letters while he ate. After ignoring his burning need to know what they contained for as long as he could he grabbed the letters. Taking them to his perch near the fire he lit a cigarette. He picked up the next unread letter.

_Dear Daryl,_

_Six weeks today, Six weeks since I let you leave. I knew why you left. People like to assume that I didn't. Coward that I am, I let them think it. I chickened out on you. The day we found Jesus, you offered me something and I ripped it to pieces. When I saw you on those stairs I knew I had ruined us. I fucked up everything. Why? I have asked myself that at least a thousand times. The answer is fear. Michonne was the safe route. I risked nothing, especially not my heart._

_But you, for you I had to put it all out there. You're so much braver than me. Why can't people see that? I bark orders so people take it for granted that I'm brave. Not when it really counts. You've shown me that. Real bravery is more than the risk of bodily harm. I married safe. I was never in love with Lori. I realize that now. She was comfortable. I don't regret any of that because I have my kids. I put my life on the line for my job and now for the sake of our family. I have never once in my life put my heart on the line. You put yours out there and I threw it aside. How can you say you don't hate me?_

  
Daryl stopped reading as he thought about the day he had confessed his feelings to Rick. He hadn't planned on it. He and Rick were on the road that morning. Rick was singing badly to some awful song. Daryl stared out the window. When the song ended Rick turned the sound down. "Carl told me he loves Enid."

Daryl's head whipped around. "Wha'?"

Rick laughed. "His first love. Gawd he is so grown up." Daryl stared at Rick as he drove. He didn't say anything. "Lori was mine. We dated in high school;” Rick continued. Daryl turned back to the window, chewing on his thumb. "What about you?"

Wha' 'bout me?"

"You have a first love back in school?" Rick teased.

"Nah. Didn’ go ta school past ninth grade. Missed more days than I was there. Didn’ see tha point in staying in school. Could read, write, track, hunt, an’ work on bikes. Knew wha' I needed to know."

"No one ever caught your interest outside school?"

"Nah. Wasn't much fer makin friends."

"You had a first love though, right?"

Daryl shrugged. He knew hiis bangs obscured most of his face.

"I know the way you came up didn't make it easy to show love. You hide it but you care, a lot."

Daryl didn't respond immediately. "Love ain't sumthin' I take fer granted. Never got much o' it before all this happened."

"And now?”

Daryl chewed on his thumb. "I know who loves me. Like Carol, you an tha kids."

"Not what I mean Daryl."

"Know what ya meant."

"You don't seem interested in looking."

"'M not."

"Cause you don't think you deserve it?"

Daryl shot Rick a look. The question hit too close to for comfort but he knew Rick didn't mean it as an insult. Daryl shrugged. “Ever'body deserves love."

"Then why?"

Daryl's voice dropped so low he wasn't sure Rick would hear him. "Cause. If I can't be with tha one I want, rather be alone."

Rick pulled to a stop at the intersection.

"Ya gonna sit here an stare at me all day?" Daryl asked.

"You're in love and never told me? I'm your best friend. Maybe I could help."

"Ya can't."

"Are they dead?"

"Rick..."

"Are they dead, Daryl?"

"Naw. Ain't dead."

They drove in silence until they found the truck full of supplies. Rick pulled Daryl into a tight hug. Daryl pulled away first. They sat down on the back of the truck to drink water. "If they aren't dead, there's hope." Rick spoke softly. When Daryl didn't reply Rick reached over and took his hand. He gently squeezed Daryl's hand. "You don't have to talk about it."

"Ain't good with talkin' ' bout my feelins Rick."

"I know, but you're good at showing them. You take care of the people you love. Does the person know?"

"Stop tryin’ ta figure it out."

"Then just tell me Daryl."

Daryl locked eyes with Rick. He thought about telling him. Panic seized his chest. He felt he had everything to lose. Happy endings weren't for people like him, at least that is what he always thought before. Daryl swallowed his fear and shook his head once. "Never thought I'd feel it. Thought that was fer other people. It didn' hit like lightening. It crept in slow then spread like kudzu."

Rick nodded as he listened. Daryl slowly continued. "I see their face when I close my eyes. Have their smile memorized. Know the sound of their footsteps. Know jus' from lookin' at 'em what mood their in. Can almost anticipate their needs now. Want to keep 'em happy an' safe. Always. I'd give up my life fer 'em, no question."

“They are damn lucky." Daryl made a sound of derision. "I mean it Daryl. You're a loyal person, that's who you are. But add that type love to your level of loyalty; not even this hell we face everyday could stop that. Never had anyone love me like that."

"Yeah ya do. Me." Daryl squeezed Rick's hand. "I love ya like that." Daryl hadn't meant for it to come out but he couldn't say he regretted it. The sadness in Rick’s voice when he expressed he had never experienced love like that won out over Daryl’s panic. He glanced sideways at Rick who sat with his mouth gaping open.

"Me?"

Daryl nodded. "Surprised ya didn't know. I don' let tha others touch me like ya do. Don' stiffen when ya hug me. Damn sure don' let anybody else curl up in my bed after a nightmare. Don' let em hold my hand fer reassurance or comfort." To make his point, Daryl trailed his fingers over the back of Rick's hand.

Rick shook his head. "But…." Realization hitting him. He stood and spun away.

Daryl flinched as they lost contact. He sighed, bracing himself for a fight just in case, all the while feeling sick.

"You never said anything. We're brothers." Rick turned to face Daryl. "I don't know what to say."

Daryl stood then. "Don' gotta say nuthin. Ya wanted to know. Now ya do." He was scared to meet Rick's eye; afraid of what he would see there. "Don' gotta change nuthin', but least ya know." Daryl started looking for keys to the truck.

"Daryl, I..."

"It's a'right Rick. Know ya don' feel tha same."

"You do? That's pretty fucking funny considering I don' even know how I feel."

Daryl met his leader's eyes. There was no disgust there, no hate, just confusion. "Take yer time. Sort through how ya feel. I did. You'll know when ya know."

 

Daryl shook himself out of the memory. The letter in his hand was calling to him. He dropped it as if it had burned him. He lit another cigarette, hands slightly shaking. After a few long drags had soothed his nerves he picked the paper up off the ground. His gaze settling where he left off.

_Everyday I wish I could go back to that garage and be honest with you. I wish I could take back the moment I panicked about how I felt about you and went to bed with someone else. I wish I could tell you right there on that landing that I made a mistake. I wish I had had the courage to not slink away and fall into a ready made relationship with someone who isn't you. I can't undo any of that. Ever. I can beg your forgiveness. I can tell you what an utter fool I am._

_I'm suffering the consequences of my actions. I deserve it. The hurt in your eyes that morning, so raw and real, ripped at me but I ignored it. I shouldn't have been surprised by your actions when those bastards who kidnapped y'all gave me a choice. You told me you would always put me first. Even after what I did you still sacrificed yourself. I don't deserve a love like that. You deserve so much better than me, but I'm yours if you'll still have me. All yours. Only yours. Flaws and all. I'll completely understand if you changed your mind. I'm terrified you've changed it and it's too late. Gawd, don't let it be too late. Please come home to me. To be mine. I'll be waiting._

_I love you._  
_Rick_

Daryl sat in shock. He re-read the entire letter twice. He quickly grabbed the last letter.

_Daryl,_

_Seven weeks now, nope, haven't changed my mind. I still want you. I still love you. I still need you. I'll still be waiting on you. I'd rather be anywhere than here without you, but I earned the wait. I'll give you your space. Be safe love. Come home when you're ready. Please come back to me._

_I love you._  
_Rick_

Daryl was reeling. He clapped his hand over his mouth to keep himself from screaming in joy. Rick Grimes loved and wanted him. He never allowed himself to think Rick would ever feel the same. He wasn't naive. He knew they had a lot to work through and discuss.

 

 

It was pretty late when Paul arrived. Daryl was staring into the fire. "Thought ya weren't coming."

He sat down heavily next to Daryl. "Got any of that whiskey left?"

"What's tha matter Paul?"

He didn't answer Daryl, instead he held out the pen and paper Daryl had asked for earlier. Daryl took it before handing a mug filled with whiskey to the other man. They stayed quiet for a while.

  
"Ever had someone that made your skin crawl try to touch you?"

Daryl didn't answer directly. "I got a bolt with that fuckers name on it."

"Gregory." The name was barely a whisper.

"Knew that guy was a dick. Meant what I said."

"Yeah I know. Thank you for that."

"Wha’ ya gonna do?"

"Don't know yet.”

"This cause of tha paper an pen?"

"No, I got those from Doc. This has been coming for a while. I was doing my best to avoid it. My luck finally ran out tonight. In typical Gregory fashion he wants what he wants and isn't above taking it.”

"Ya can stay out here if ya want. He won't come out here. He'd never get to ya if he did."

Paul shivered and shifted closer to the fire.

"He hurt ya?" Daryl asked.

Paul shook his head. "Didn't get that far. I drew my knife. He'll probably kick me out."

"He can try. Don't think he'll succeed."

Paul continued to stare into the fire. He held his empty mug out for more whiskey.

Daryl covered Paul with his poncho. It had seen better days but it was still warm. After Terminus, he thought it was lost, luckily Carol had found it. The younger man had passed out in the grass near the fire. Daryl chuckled, that second mug of whiskey got him. "Lightweight." He was glad Paul had stayed; this way he knew the guy was safe. He felt a growing connection to the young man.

Paul had been a complete pain in Daryl's ass since the day the younger man entered his life. In fact the day they met was one of the worst days of Daryl's entire existence. He had saved Daryl’s ass a couple of times but he had also put it in danger many more times. Since being at Hilltop the two had formed a friendship. One that was growing daily.

Daryl had too much on his mind to sleep. Daryl couldn't just pick up and leave until his projects were complete per his trade agreement with Gregory. He would start working even harder in the morning. He knew the cow and chickens were too valuable to his family. He would keep his end of the bargain even if he wanted nothing more than to beat the man into a bloody stump.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looooong overdue I apologize!!

Two days later the RV arrived at the gate. It headed straight for the infirmary. Daryl dropped what he was doing. He ran over just as the door opened. Glenn and Sasha carried a very distressed Maggie out of the vehicle. Daryl took over for Sasha. "What happened?" He asked. 

"Her water broke." 

The look on his face was priceless. "Oh." 

Sasha laughed. "Yeah 'oh' Dixon." 

The doctor came out to meet them. Sasha and Glenn answered all the doctor's questions. Once they got Maggie on a bed, Doc starting prepping her. 

Glenn looked pale. "She's in good hands man." Daryl clapped him on the shoulder. Glenn nodded numbly. Daryl and Sasha waited outside. Glenn stayed with Maggie. 

"Think he'll pass out?" Sasha grinned. 

Daryl snorted around the thumbnail he was chewing on. "Prob'ly." 

"He can cover himself in walker guts without batting an eye but childbirth makes him queasy." 

"Sounds 'bout right." Daryl's chuckle was low but light. 

"It's good to hear you laugh. Hell, it's good to see you." She bumped her shoulder to his. 

He thumped back against her. "Good to see ya too. How's everythang?" 

"Calm for now. Makes me nervous." 

Daryl nodded. He completely understood that sentiment. Calm seemed unnatural to him. It set his nerves on edge. 

"How are you doing here?"

"Good. Was able to make more weapons, been trainin' 'em to use 'em when tha time comes. Got most of 'em armed now."

"Looks like the gate has been reinforced." 

"Ya, that happened las' week."

"Rick's been able to get a lot of useful information out of Dwight. We've managed to take out four more small groups. Two of them had supplies." 

"How many were in tha groups?"

"By my count fifty total."

Daryl swore. "That's over a hundred people so far Sash."

"Mm hmm. I'm starting to wonder how many more of these fuckers there are." 

"Too damn many." Daryl felt unease wash over him. 

 

Within a couple of hours Maggie and Glenn had a baby boy. He was healthy with a shock of black hair and his mother's nose. They named him Hershel Dale Rhee. Daryl was stunned but pleased when they asked him to be the child's godfather.

"How about it Uncle Daryl?" Maggie's face glowed, her eyes tired but sparkling. 

He took the little bundle offered to him. "I'd like that. Gotta think of a good nickname fer 'im now." The couple watched as Daryl bonded with their son. 

 

That night Sasha went to Daryl's camp. She brought him a plate. "You're looking skinny. I knew with no one to watch you, you'd starve yourself." 

Daryl huffed. She sat the plate next to him.

She started talking quietly. "He misses you. He's driving Abraham nuts, barking orders, being a real grouch. I do believe Morgan has threatened to whoop his ass with that stick of his." 

Daryl snorted a laugh. "Pro'bly. No tellin' what Morgan's told 'im when no one's 'round." 

"True. I want to ask you something." 

Daryl kept working on the bolt in his hands. His nod was a tiny movement. 

"Shit don't settle.' What the hell does that mean?"

Daryl made a mental note to kick Abraham's ass when he got to Alexandria. "Damn big mouth bastard." 

Sasha laughed. "That doesn't answer my question." 

Daryl shrugged. "Shit stays stirred up. Ain't no settlin'. Not in this world. Not anymore."

Sasha looked at Daryl, assessing him. "You think he picked Michonne because she is better than you." 

Daryl shrugged, his bangs falling into his eyes. "Saved Carl. Got a good heart. Cares about 'im an' tha kids. She's a good person." 

"Daryl Dixon, everything you just said applies to yourself. I know you don't see it but we do. Rick isn't the only one that misses you either. I get it. You need space. You need time. You also need to know that they aren't together anymore. No harsh words, no fight, no hard feelings. No avoiding each other. She isn't the one for him. They both know it. Hell we all know it." 

Having said all of that she lay back to look at the stars. After several minutes of silence she added, "eat, before it gets cold." 

Daryl smiled in the dark. It felt good to have his family around. "He wrote me letters." Daryl spoke around a mouthful of food. Sasha sat straight up. 

"What? When? Well what did he say?" 

"S'private." Daryl shrugged. Sasha's grin was huge. "I knew 'bout the breakup. Was it really calm? No hard feelins'?" 

"None. They still work together everyday. It might have been a little awkward at first but it isn't now. She and Carl are still really close. It worked itself out."

Daryl nodded and gave a slight half smile. 

"So what about you and him? Yes, I'm being nosy." She winked at him. 

He huffed a small laugh. "It'll work itself out." 

Satisfied with his answer she lay back down with a broad smile on her face. 

 

Sasha and Daryl walked back up to the infirmary. She was going to stay close in case they needed her during the night. Daryl wanted to see them all again before going to bed. As he watched little Hershel, he realized the boy had a habit of batting his tiny balled up fist around. 

Daryl cradled the baby in his arms. "Wha' ya swingin' at Slugger?" 

Maggie grinned. "He's been doing that all evening." 

Daryl soothed the baby's hair back. "Knew he better come out fightin'. Ain't that right little Slugger?" 

Hershel cooed up at the man. 

"I think he likes that name Daryl." A sleepy but happy Glenn chimed in from the corner. 

Daryl continued to rock the tiny boy while Maggie and Glenn rested. 

 

Paul was sitting by the fire when Daryl got back. "How's the family?"

"Tired but good. That kid's got so much hair." Daryl snickered. 

Paul looked up at the archer. "You miss them." It was a statement that didn't need any response. No response was required. 

"How are ya? Anymore trouble?"

Paul shook his head. "I've been moved to one of the trailers, to give my room to a family with kids, for the winter. That suits me just fine. Means I won't have to see that slimy bastard." 

"Ya could go to Alexandria. You'd be useful."

"But would I be welcome? This is my family. They need me. Gregory is choosing to act like nothing happened. I can live with that. I won't be alone with him ever again." 

Daryl knew the man's mind was made up. It just didn't sit right with Daryl. "Don' trust 'im. Couldn' follow a leader I don' trust. Even if he is leader in name only." 

"I get that. I do and I might need your offer in the future."

Daryl nodded. "I'll back ya Paul. Whateva ya need." 

Paul's face was sincere and humble. "That means a lot. Thank you Daryl." 

Daryl gave him a nod and a half smile. 

 

The next night Daryl heard an engine he didn't recognize. He snuck up to the gates with his crossbow at the ready. He found a spot to watch and wait. The car stopped a few feet from the gate. A lone figure got out. 

"Hold it right there fucker." One of the guards yelled. 

The man held up his hands. "I'm from Alexandria. I need to see Daryl Dixon."

Daryl stepped out from the shadows. "Aaron?" He moved closer to the gates. "Let him in!" 

Daryl banged on the metal door. Reluctantly they let the man in. "Ya hurt? Why ya here?" Daryl strode up to him. Aaron looked pale, terrified, and covered in blood. "Let's get you inside. We'll get the doc."

"No, no time. You've got to get back." Aaron refused to meet his gaze. 

"Wha' happened Aaron?" Daryl caught him before he hit the ground. 

"Someone bring tha damn car in an' shut tha gates!" Daryl scooped Aaron into his arms and moved as fast as he could to the infirmary.

"He's in shock Daryl. I can't find any injuries. The blood isn't his but it's fresh. The adrenaline rush got him here but he crashed pretty hard. Let him sleep it off." 

Daryl gave a the doc a curt nod. He needed to stay and find out what happened, but he also needed to be ready to go. He walked out to find Sasha. 

"Stay with him? If he wakes get me?" He voice soft and pleading. Sasha knew Daryl was scared. 

"Yeah, what you going to do?" 

"Gonna pack my shit in case I need to hit tha road." Daryl walked out of the infirmary to his campsite.

 

Paul rubbed his eyes, the noise Daryl made woke the man. He watched Daryl's hasty movements. "What's wrong?"

"Dunno yet. Aaron showed up, passed out from shock. Shit musta' hit the fan." 

Paul was on his feet in an instant. "What can I do to help?" 

"Take over tha bow class. It's jus' practicing now. Y'all got it; got ya set up pretty good."

Paul nodded. "Yes you do. I'll take care of it. You okay?"

"'Course. Don' know nuthin' yet." He continued packing stuff up. He left the mug, kettle and whiskey for Paul. "Can leave the tent if you need it." 

"Daryl..."

Daryl ignored him. He couldn't stop to think. He couldn't let himself even contemplate it. There was only one reason Aaron would have come; Rick. All the breath left his body. He willed himself not to fall to his knees. He barely felt the hands guiding him to the log by the fire pit. 

"Sit down. Just breathe. Like you said we don't know anything. Just breathe."  
Daryl didn't realize he was shaking until Paul wrapped the poncho around him. 

Sasha came running down the hill. "Daryl!"

His head snapped at the sound. He forced his eyes to focus. He saw the fear in her eyes. He swallowed hard. His voice was heavy and low, "is it Rick?"

She sat down next to Daryl. "No. Not Rick. No one's dead." Before Daryl could breathe a sigh of relief she started to speak again. "A man took Carl."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go Dnae47: Sasha & Daryl friendship!! *mwah* Thank you for the idea!


	9. Chapter 9

Daryl was a constant blur of motion as he prepared to leave. He kept his explanation to Gregory clipped.

"Took the boy, Imma track 'im. I held up my end, weapons are made an' yer guys are trained." 

Gregory opened his mouth but with a glare from Daryl he shut it. Daryl stared him down the other man looked away first. Daryl thought mentioning the incident with Paul but decided against it. 

 

They all decided Sasha would bring Aaron back once the doc released him. Glenn and Maggie were going to stay at Hilltop until baby Hershel was ready to travel. 

"Aaron and I will be back as soon as we can."

Daryl nodded at her. Aaron was still in shock and not saying much. Daryl told them goodbye, kissing the baby's head before he left. 

 

Paul met him outside the medical building. He walked with Daryl as the other man rolled his bike to the entrance. 

"Look after 'em fer me."

"You got it. Be careful. I know you're going to burn rubber when you leave."

Daryl mmed. He had every intention of hauling ass back to Alexandria like a bat out of hell. Paul clapped him on the shoulder. 

"You'll find him. God help the man who took him." 

"Even God won't be able to help 'im when I'm done." The look on Daryl's face was more than intimidating; it was downright scary. He started the bike only adding, "'member wha' I said. I'll see ya." 

 

 

He made the trip in half the time it would usually take. Spencer opened the gate. Rosita came tumbling toward him. He was shocked when she launched herself into him for a hug. 

"Thank fuck you're back!" 

He stiffly patted her on the back. "Where's he?" 

Rosita led him to brownstone with the jail cell in the basement. Morgan, Carol, Abe, Michonne, Tara, and Heath all stood around Rick. They were listening intently as he spoke. Rick's mad pacing and commanding voice abruptly stopped as soon as he saw Daryl. 

"Bout damn time you're redneck ass showed up." Abe had a grin on his face. "Get in here and help us figure out how to fuck these bastards straight to hell." 

No one else spoke at first. Daryl and Rick's eyes were locked on each other. 

"Let's take a break for Daryl to get caught up to speed" Morgan suggested. 

Everyone started to disperse. 

Abe clapped Daryl on the shoulder. "Glad you're home brother, even if I do hate the fucking reason why." 

Tara offered him a small smile. 

Carol squeezed him as she walked past. "Good to see you, Pookie." 

Morgan gave him a nod. 

Michonne took his hand, just a gentle touch. "Glad you're here. We need you." She gave him a small but beautifully sincere smile as she left, firmly shutting the door behind her. 

With everyone gone Rick started to tremble. His lip quivered and he looked as if he would hit his knees. Daryl stepped forward to steady him, his hands settling on the other man's slim waist. 

"I got ya Rick." 

Tears fell down Rick's cheek. He didn't make a sound. Rick's gaze never left his as Daryl pressed his body against the older man's. Fingers threaded into messy curls. A soft yet gravelly voice whispered into Rick's ear, reassuring him. Rick felt so good in Daryl's arms he exhaled a deep sigh. The dam broke as Rick buried his face in Daryl's shoulder. Huge wracking sobs could be heard. Daryl wrapped Rick tightly in his embrace. Comforting the man as he released his sorrow and anguish. Daryl's own heart was aching. 

After a while Rick's breathing began to even out. "Tell me ever'thin' Rick. From tha start." 

Rick nodded. He was still a little shaky in Daryl's arms. Daryl moved them to a chair. Once Rick was seated, Daryl knelt in front of him. "Their group..." 

Daryl put his hand over Rick's. He gently squeezed it in reassurance. "Daryl, there had to be a hundred people, at least." Rick's eyes were slightly glazed. "They stood outside the walls just whistling. It was so fucking eerie." 

Daryl took his red rag from his back pocket. He gently wiped at the tears and dried blood on Rick's cheek. Rick's voice broke again. "They took him Dar. They took our boy." 

"An' we'll get him back Rick. We'll get him back'." He pulled the man into his arms again until Rick was sitting in Daryl's lap on the floor. Daryl gently rocked him. 

"They didn't barge in, didn't rip our town to pieces, didn't kill our people. All Negan wanted was Carl and Judith. Carl offered to go willingly if Judith would be spared." Rick's heartbreak was evident in his voice. He hand his hands through his hair. "Gawd. Why?" 

Daryl knew the answer. He had dealt with men like this before. "Ta control ya." Daryl wasn't surprised that Carl sacrificed himself. That boy would give his life to keep that baby girl safe.

Rick leaned into Daryl heavily. "I tried to stop them, tried to stop him, tried to protect Carl." He wept into Daryl's shoulder. "We fought them: me, Aaron, Morgan, Abraham, Carol, Rosita, Chonne. We tried..."

Daryl stroked Rick's hair. "Shhhhh. Know ya did. Ya wouldn' jus' let 'im go." 

The evidence of Rick's effort was clear in his appearance. Rick's clothes were ripped and torn. He was covered in blood. None of it his own as far as Daryl could tell. After Rick was done talking, Daryl suggested he shower the blood off and get some sleep. "Go get Judith. Rest up. Can't track 'im in tha dark anyway." 

"What are you going to do?" 

"Have a talk with that piece o' shit, Dwight. If he knows anythin' I'll get it out of 'im." 

"After that?" Rick looked so sad and lost. 

Daryl pulled into a tight embrace. "I'll come ta ya" he promised. He pressed a kiss into the man's curls. 

 

Daryl walked down the stairs to the jail cell. A cigarette dangling between his lips. "They took tha' boy but I think ya know that." 

Daryl's voice was a little more than a hiss. Dwight ignored him. Daryl paced around the outside of the cell dangling the key in his hand. He had Carol bolt the upstairs door from the outside. The rage he felt burned inside him. He let out a low dangerous growl. 

"Hey fucker I'm talkin' ta you." Dwight turned pale when his eyes met Daryl's. 

 

An hour later Carol opened the door and Daryl emerged. He was exhausted. His bones ached. He looked down at the blood covering his hands. "Ya might wanna get Eugene ta look at 'im. Make sure I didn' break nothin'. Might need 'im later." 

Carol nodded. "Get what ya need?"

"It's a start." Daryl walked out lighting a cigarette. He walked to his bike to get his gear, then onto Rick's house. Rosita had let Eric know about Aaron. Daryl didn't want to talk much unless it was to Rick. He had a lot to say to Rick, but now wasn't the time. Daryl rolled his shoulders willing the tension to yield. He was past exhausted. 

 

When he entered the house, Rick was stretched out on the couch in a clean t-shirt and sleep pants. His face was relaxed in sleep. Judith lay face down on his chest. She was cooing softly in her sleep. Daryl smiled softly, he gently lifted the little girl. "C'mon asskicker, let's get ya ta bed." 

Rick didn't stir as Daryl silently headed up the steps. He noticed that Rick had changed the rooms around. Carl's old room was now Rick's room, the old master bedroom was empty. Judith's room had the crib and also a single bed in it now. Daryl would bring his stuff up to the baby's room and sleep there. He kissed her head before placing her in the crib. She made a tiny disgruntled noise when he moved her away from his body. He rubbed her back until she settled again. 

 

Downstairs he looked at Rick. That couch was not comfortable, Daryl knew from experience. As much as he hated to, he needed to wake Rick. He figured the man had passed out from pure exhaustion, knowing he wasn't the type of parent to relax while his child was missing. He ran his hand through Rick's hair. He gave himself a minute to enjoy the contact before he spoke. "Rick?" 

"Hmm?"

"Need ta get ta bed. Yer gonna get a crick in yer neck."

"Mmmm." Rick's eyes remained closed. He scrunched up his facial features. 

Daryl smiled. Rick was so damn cute like this. Daryl couldn't stop the smile that played across his lips. "On yer feet." 

Daryl's tune was soft. Rick didn't move. "Ya gonna move or ya want me ta move ya?" 

"You going to drag me upstairs caveman style?" Rick asked with a sly smile, his eyes still closed. His voice sounded like gravel wrapped in velvet. 

"Sumthin' like that." Daryl chewed his thumbnail as he waited. 

When Rick didn't make any effort to move after several minutes, Daryl gently took his arm. He placed Rick's arm around his neck and lifted the man up. Rick groaned in protest. 

"Yer bed is more comfortable. Ya gonna thank me later." 

Daryl and Rick made slow progress up the stairs. If Rick leaned into Daryl more with each step, Daryl wasn't going to complain. 

Once in Rick's new room Daryl helped him into bed. "Gonna tuck me in Dar?" 

Daryl smirked, but didn't say anything. He had tucked Judith in countless times. He tried not to think about doing the same with Carl. He could tell by the look in Rick's eyes that he was doing the same. Without overthinking it he leaned down and brushed his lips over Rick's. "Goodnight Rick." 

The gasp was very soft but Daryl heard it. Rick quickly leaned up in the bed to return the kiss. It was very soft and chaste, just a brief but tender meeting of lips. "I love you Daryl." 

Daryl stroked Rick's cheek. "I love ya Rick. Now get some rest." 

Rick sighed heavily as Daryl turned to leave. "I know it's not the time, but we'll talk right?" 

Daryl walked the few steps back to the bed. He knelt down beside Rick, "we'll get our boy back an' then we'll talk 'bout us. I promise." 

"And you keep your promises" Rick added softly. Rick ran his hand over Daryl's chest. He noticed the blood on the man's knuckles. "Did you find out anything?" 

Daryl nodded. "We'll get started in the mornin'. Can't track at night an' we need ta rest up. I'll be in asskicker's room if ya need me." 

"Always need you" Rick whispered as Daryl closed the door. 

 

After a long hot shower Daryl felt relaxed enough to try to sleep. He dressed for bed before checking on Judith. She was so peaceful. Her face a picture of serenity. He was looking forward to sleeping in a real bed. He walked over to shut the door. That's when he heard the familiar muffled cry. He went straight to Rick. The man was asleep but thrashing. He was yelling into the mattress, he fists balled tightly. 

Daryl knew not to shake him. Calmly he called his name. "Rick." 

The man was still deep in the nightmare. "Rick, wake up" he said a bit louder. 

The fighting and screaming stopped. The whimper that poured out of Rick tore at Daryl's heart. Rick's body went still as he curled tightly into the fetal position. "Carl..."

Daryl didn't hesitate to crawl up on the bed behind Rick. Taking the man in his arms. "'S a'right. I got ya. C'mon baby wake up." He rubbed soft soothing circles into Rick's arms as Daryl continued to whisper soothingly into his ear. 

Daryl was aware of when Rick woke up. There was a change in his breathing as well as his body tension. Rick melted against him. "Daryl?" 

"Shhhh. I got ya. Ya had a nightmare."

"I don't remember it."

Daryl thought that was most likely for the best. The way Rick had brokenly cried out for Carl left Daryl feeling a little shaken. "'S'over now." 

Daryl didn't make any move to leave. Rick pinched the bridge of his nose. When his head fell back it landed on Daryl's shoulder. He let it lie there. Daryl's breath was on Rick's neck. Rick closed his eyes. 

"Ya okay now?" 

Rick nodded. "Thank you for waking me. It's probably good I don't remember anything. When I do it's worse."

Daryl silently agreed. He had sat up numerous nights with Rick calming him after vivid memories of gruesome dreams. "Jus' rest Rick. Ya need it." 

"I've haven't slept worth a shit in over two months." He hadn't slept much at all since Daryl left. 

"Well I'm home now. Sleep." He wrapped his arm protectively around Rick's stomach. 

"I like being in your arms."

"Like ya being in 'em." 

Rick turned to face Daryl, questions playing on his features. "Nu uh, enough talking. Sleep." 

When Rick opened his mouth Daryl covered it with his own. The kiss effectively shutting the older man up. Daryl put the things he couldn't say at the moment into that kiss. How much he missed Rick, his deep abiding love for the man, his fear, his desire to make it work between them, the urgency to save their family; all of it was there. His tongue swept into Rick's mouth, exploring. The kiss held hope, desire and so much tenderness, it caused Daryl's eyes to sting. Rick melted against him, sighing into his mouth. Once they parted Dary kissed Rick's temple. Both of their eyes drifted closed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to my Ninja for being a listening ear, a sounding board, and for betaing parts of this for me. <3

Daryl looked down at the man sleeping in his arms. This wasn't the first time he and Rick had shared a bed. It wasn't even the first time Daryl had held Rick while he slept. It was however the first time for both since Daryl had made his feelings known. He tried to wrap his head around the fact that Rick loved him. Part of him knew it on a purely instinctual basis. That part of him had known it for a long time. That was that part that had fought his going to Hilltop, but Daryl knew that if Rick was going to be happy and make it work with someone else then Daryl needed to be gone; for both their sakes.

Daryl's thoughts drifted to the letter he wrote Rick. He pondered when he should give it to the other man or if he should just toss it. He kept Rick's letters in a safe place, where he could re-read them as often as he liked. Rick's words meant a lot to him. In this world where keepsakes were few and far between those love letters were his most prized possession. He thought Rick deserved one of his own.

He left a note on the top of the envelope.  
_Gone to gather supplies. Be back soon. Read the other when you are ready. -Daryl_

He checked on Judith before slipping out the front door. He decided to visit the armory first. He wondered what Rick would think when he read the letter. Knowing Rick like he did, the man would read it sooner rather than later. Daryl couldn't help but consider his own words. He wasn't much for writing or talking feelings usually. That letter was a piece of his soul. He had given Rick that once, this time however, he was certain it was safe.

_Dear Rick,_

_A letter for each week I been gone? Part of me wants to tease you about your OCD or about being a drama king. Honestly though, I’m just surprised. I knew you would miss me. I just didn't think my absence would alter your life in any meaningful way._

_Leaving you at the gate that morning was the hardest thing I have ever done. It was harder than having to put a bullet in Merle's skull, harder than carrying Beth's lifeless body out to Maggie. I wanted to back down, to change my mind, to call it off but I knew I couldn't. You and I needed to be apart. You needed time to figure out exactly what you wanted. I needed time to heal._

_You hurt me. You ripped my heart out. I didn't expect you to return my feelings or profess love for me, but seeing you and her half dressed, knowing what I had told you, knowing you turned to her. It felt like a fucking betrayal. It also hurt like a bitch. I had nowhere to go and no one to talk to. I couldn't talk to you, about anything. It hurt too much to look at you. You wouldn't even look me in the eye. Not only did you reject me but I lost my best friend at the same time._

_I honestly thought I would hate you both. I didn't, not even at first. That's when I started to understand how much I love you. I love you so deeply I want you happy even if it isn't with me. Never had a good example of love growing up, but our family of sorts has taught me a lot about it in the short time we've been together._

_Maggie and Glenn have taught me that anyone can find happiness in the most unlikely places with someone you never expected. Beth taught me that love and hope are intertwined; that good still exists if you care enough to look for it. Hershel taught me that you sacrifice for those you love. You look after them and you give all if that is what it takes. Carol has taught me you fight back against the past that scarred you to be strong for the ones who need you now. Judith and Carl have taught me that it doesn't matter who gave birth to you, family is so much more than bloodlines._

_Then there is you. You've taught me more about love and trust than anyone in my entire life. The day we met you could've wrote me off as redneck trash but you didn't. You saw more. You trusted me before anyone else did. You took a chance on me. You told me once that you had seen the man inside me, not the outside gruffness. You taught me it's what is in a person, their heart, not their past, their reputation, their background, or their name that defines them. You taught me to look deeper. You taught me that some people are worth the risk._

_All the times you came to me with your nightmares. When you broke down on me many times after Lori's death. You taught me it was okay to be vulnerable. You taught me that emotions don't make you weak. You've taught me that it's okay to show people that you love them._

_That night with the Claimers, you taught me even more. I was so fucking happy to see you. I honestly didn't think I would ever see your face again or hear your voice or feel your touch. Then I was so afraid you would hate me. You taught me forgiveness. You called me family. You showed me I was something special to you. You'll never know how much that meant to me._

_I'll never change my mind about you. I love you. I know that I love hard and I love big. Once I love someone it's a done deal, no changing it. My grandmother told me I got that from her side of the family. She said people like us are like eagles. We mate for life. I've never been in love before you. Never thought I would or could find love. Once my heart set itself on you, that was it. I'll love you with every breath I take until I draw my last. I don't want it any other way._

_I know we have a lot to talk about and things we'll need to work out. Just because we love each other doesn't mean it's going to be easy. Life ain't never been easy for me so I'm okay with it. My life is better with you in it. I meant everything I said to you on the day of that run. If you are sure this is what you want I'm all in. I'll tell you that I'm all yours, but you already know it Rick, I've always been yours._

_Daryl_

  
Once Daryl gathered the ammo, food and other supplies they would need he spoke to each person he wanted in on the mission. He gave them a time and place to meet. He headed back to Rick's to fill him in on the plan. He walked in the backdoor. He didn't hear anything so he headed upstairs. Judith was still in her crib, fast asleep. He walked down the hall to Rick's room.

Rick sat on the edge of the bed. He was reading the letter. Daryl had left the note and the letter on the pillow he had used the night before. When Daryl saw tears streaking Rick's face he entered the room. Daryl sat down next to Rick, he pulled the older man against his chest.

"When you left I waited at the gate until I could no longer see you. Then I walked into the woods, puked my guts up, and cried until I had no tears left. I walked around for days in a stupor. I just knew I had lost you for good."

Daryl rubbed Rick's back. He didn't say a word, he just listened.

"You leaving helped me see what I wanted, what I needed. As long as you were around I took you for granted. I was so stupid and scared. I trust you everything, my kids, their lives, my life. Why was I so scared to trust you with my heart?"

Daryl knew Rick didn't expect an answer.

"Do you forgive me Daryl?"

"Rick ya ain't gotta ask. Ya know I do. I forgave ya before I left. I mean every word in that letter."

Daryl was surprised by the sudden movement as Rick moved to kiss him. The kiss was sweet and loving. Daryl kissed him back willingly.

Rick spoke against his lips. "I promise you won't regret loving me."

"I never would." He stroked Rick's cheek. He kissed Rick again.

"Thank you for this" Rick gestured at the letter.

"Yer welcome. Figured you ought ta have at least one o' yer own. Let's wake our girl up and take her to Carol. We're gonna get our boy back."

"I'm so glad you're home." Rick kissed Daryl's forehead as he stood. They walked down the hall side by side and hand in hand.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An special thank you my awesome beta, Starfire_Wildheart! Ninja, you are appreciated so much more than you know! <3 <3 
> 
> Also, thank you to Jelly Bean for all the killing, um, I mean inspiring pics! Lol

Abraham, Morgan, Michonne, Heath, and Tara met them in the brownstone. Carol agreed to stay in Alexandria and protect Judith. 

"A'right. I was able ta get some info outta that asshole downstairs." 

He had mapped out everything Dwight told him the night before while he was downstairs "talking" to the bastard. Daryl pulled the map out to show them. 

"Dwight said he woulda taken Carl ta tha main compound. Now we know there's at least a hundred people there, most likely more. We gotta scope it out. We need ta know what we're facing." 

He pulled out a hand drawn map. "This is the inner part of tha compound where Negan stays. Carl'll be in there or in tha prison ward." He pointed to a smaller drawing on the same page.

"What's your plan Dar?" Rick asked quietly. 

Daryl hesitated before continuing. He dreaded telling Rick this part. "Tha prison ward is basically an outdoor kennel. 'Cording ta Dwight, it don’t stay full. If Carl is outside we might have a shot of getting ta him at night." 

Rick looked pale. Daryl brushed his shoulder against Rick's and held it there for comfort. "If not?" Rick's voice quivered.

"Then we get a layout of tha place an' people as best we can, we come back an' regroup. We can get some backup from Hilltop. Either way gettin' Carl outta there is tha first goal. Once he's safe we fuck 'em up. We gotta take out Negan. Cut off tha head, tha whole snake dies." 

Rick nodded in agreement. "You're right. Where do you think he'll be?"

"Inside. Took him fer a reason, think he'll keep him close. Need ta know fer sure before we make a move." 

"What exactly is the plan if he is inside?" Rick eyed Daryl closely. 

Daryl didn't even think about it. He reached out to cup Rick's cheek. "Then we come back here, get tha tanker y'all got from that group an' tha explosives. I head ta Hilltop ta get Paul an' the ones that are willing ta fight. Then you an' I drag that sack o' shit Dwight ta tha front gate an' make that sick fuck an' offer. If he refuses we blow it all ta hell as soon as Carl is in yer arms." 

Rick smiled. Daryl blew out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. 

"Fuck yeah." Abraham laughed and clapped Daryl on the back. 

 

The group parked in the woods a couple of miles from the compound. They hid the two vehicles in thick brush and the shade of trees. They decided to divide up into three groups. Rick, Daryl, and Michonne made up the first group. Abraham and Tara were the second group. The third group consisted of Morgan and Heath. Each person was armed. Each group had a walkie talkie in order to communicate with the others. The plan was to survey the sides and back of the compound. 

Daryl scaled a pine. He was careful to stay hidden. The fence was too high to see over on foot. It was also solid. He spotted the makeshift prison, a damn kennel so run down it would be dangerous to keep dogs in. It had two people in it, both older adults. He bird called down to Rick and shook his head. He saw Rick's shoulders slump. He took out the scope he had found on a run. He scanned the compound. He counted about thirty people milling about. 

A tall man with a black leather jacket, red scarf and a barbed wire wrapped bat exited the largest building. The man held the door open for someone, his form blocking Daryl's view. Daryl softly gasped when he saw the familiar form slip past the larger man. Carl. Daryl looked closely through the scope. He couldn't see any visible injuries. Carl didn't look any worse for wear. Instead of relieving Daryl, that filled him with dread. 

Daryl swallowed his anger and a growl when the man put his large hand on Carl's shoulder then slid his arm around the boy like he was a part of his family. Daryl could tell the man was laughing. Carl didn't look frightened or intimidated, but he was Rick's son and both Grimes men had good poker faces. Daryl glanced down the tree to look at Rick. Rick's eyes were worried but his face was hopeful. Daryl considered exactly what to say to Rick once he descended from the tree. 

Daryl held up his hand in a gesture that meant he was still watching. He saw Rick nod his assent. Daryl carefully watched each move that the man and Carl made. It was clear that the man was trying to groom Carl. Daryl felt his blood begin to boil. Once Daryl felt like he had seen enough he climbed down from the tree. 

As Daryl's feet hit the ground Abraham and Tara rounded the corner with a bound and gagged third party. Daryl recognized her immediately. 

"Who's this?" Rick looked at the woman suspiciously. 

"Sherry. One of Negan's wives. She was married ta Dwight too." 

Daryl knew they had a great bargaining chip in the woman. He also knew Dwight would give anything to see her. Daryl smiled as the wheels turned in his mind.

"Let's go. We got some plannin’ ta do." He squeezed Rick's shoulder. 

Daryl put Sherry in the car with Morgan and Michonne. He wanted to talk to Rick and didn't need her hearing any of it. He lead the way back to Alexandria. Michonne followed and Abraham brought up the rear in the truck that Sherry had been escaping to when he and Tara found her. 

"What did you see Daryl?" 

"He don't look hurt Rick."

"You saw him?" 

Daryl nodded. 

"Where was he?"

"With a big guy carryin' a bat." 

"Negan." Rick spit the word like a curse. The venom in his voice caused Daryl to shiver. 

"I figured." Daryl reached over and took Rick's hand. "We'll get him home." 

"I know you will Daryl." Rick tangled his fingers with Daryl's as he looked out the window. 

 

 

Once back at Alexandria they put Sherry in the jail cell in the basement of Michonne's townhouse. 

"How do you want to play this Daryl?" Michonne handed him a bottle of water. 

"Gotta head ta Hilltop. Need people willin’ ta fight." He drank deeply, the exertion of the day as well as his own emotions had drained him. 

"I can go." She volunteered. 

"Nah, gotta be me. Paul an' I been teachin' some of 'em. They'll listen ta him. I know he's got mah back." 

Rick stood by the door looking out the window. Daryl noticed him stiffen when Paul was mentioned. He shook his head. He would deal with that later. Rick had no reason to worry. Daryl would make sure he knew that. 

"Dwight said Negan's got several wives. Gave 'em a choice ta be with him an' have it easy. Sherry was Dwight's wife but she chose ta be with Negan, at least 'fore they ran away. Negan took her back but punished Dwight. That's what happened ta his face. He ain't seen her since they got back ta tha compound. Figure he'll want ta see her." 

"How does that help us Daryl?" Rick sounded aggravated. 

"Want is a dangerous thang Rick." His eyes locked with Rick's as he spoke. 

"Is that right?" Rick's eyebrow pitched upward in question. 

"Yep. Knowing what he wants gives us a 'vantage. Having what he wants gives us power." 

"He has a point, Rick." Michonne was nodding at Daryl's words. 

"He usually does. So we let him see her and then what?" 

"He can see ta tha top of tha stairs. 'Chonne just needs ta stand at tha top o’ ‘em with Sherry. Once he sees her 'Chonne can lock tha door an' take her back ta tha cell. Tha point will be made. If he knows anything he is holding back he'll tell us just ta be in same room with her." 

"How do ya know?" Rick's brow was furrowed. 

"'Cause he loves her Rick. Love'll make ya do crazy shit." He stared Rick down. 

Rick nodded but didn't say a word before he looked away. 

"When are we doing this?" Michonne asked eagerly. 

"After I get back from Hilltop." 

"What if you're wrong about him wanting to see her? What if he doesn't have any more info?" Rick's face was twisted into a frown. 

"Then we still have two bargainin’ chips. I think Negan will want least one of 'em back." 

Rick shrugged. "True." He looked back out the window. 

Daryl got up, he stopped next to Rick. "Wanna come with me?" 

"To Hilltop?" 

"Yeah. I wanna get on tha road soon as possible. Want ya with me but I get it if ya need ta stay." 

"Let me check on Judith before we leave." 

"'Course. I wanna kiss little asskicker bye too."

 

After making sure that Carol didn't mind taking care of Judith while they were out, they packed the essentials and got on the road. Daryl drove, he expected Rick to play with the CD player like usual but he didn't. He knew Rick was worried about Carl and had a lot on his mind. "He’s a strong kid. He's like you." 

Rick didn't turn to face Daryl. "Being like me might not be a good thing."

"It is. Ya taught him what he needs ta know ta survive. He'll do what he needs ta 'til we get there. He knows we're coming fer him. Ya know he does." 

"He's spent so much time being mad at me lately." Rick ran his hand through his hair. 

"He’s a teenager an’ his damn hormones are runnin’ wild. He loves ya, mad or not." 

Rick let out a heavy sigh. "Are you sure Gregory is going let his people help us?"

"Ain't givin' that fuckin' prick a choice." Daryl's voice was a harsh, gruff tone of steel. 

Rick looked at Daryl. He saw the dark look on the other man's face. "What happened Daryl?"

"Jus' thinks he can take what he wants. Ain't tha way things work."

"He try to take something from you?" Rick’s voice was full of anger.

"Nah."

"Someone you care about? Paul?"

Daryl had a sinking feeling where this discussion was headed. He didn't say anything. 

Rick sighed. "Did you fuck him?"

Rick's question was so bluntly spat out that it threw Daryl off guard. Daryl almost swerved off the road. "What? Who?" 

"Paul!" 

Daryl slammed to a stop at the intersection. He noted the dark clouds ahead. The wind was starting to blow. The clouds looked full of rain and nasty. He turned his full gaze onto Rick. "No. An' 'fore ya ask, he didn't fuck me either." 

Daryl turned left at the intersection, moving them forward. The wind picked up to the point that the car was being pushed and dragged. "Shit" Daryl huffed. This was the last thing they needed. They had places to be. 

"About to get rough. Don't need to be caught up in this on the road." Rick's tone was clipped.

Daryl briefly wondered if Rick meant the actual weather or the storm brewing between them. Just as the hard rain started Daryl spotted an old barn far back down a beaten dirt road. He drove straight to it. 

Rick jumped out and cleared the three straggling walkers from the area. He opened the barn door. After a quick look around he indicated the building was clear. Rick motioned for Daryl to pull the car inside. Rick barred the door just as the sky opened up sending down a torrential downpour. The howling wind shook the ragged structure. 

Daryl cut the engine before he exited the vehicle. They were out of the storm as well as out of sight. Daryl figured by now the Saviors knew Sherry and a truck were missing. They would be out looking for Negan's "property." Daryl was thankful that Abraham had disposed of the truck by sending it over a cliff far enough from Alexandria to not raise suspicions. It was a mangled unrecognizable speck at the bottom of a gulch. 

The barn was empty except for abandoned farming tools and hay. There were no windows on the bottom level of the barn. It had a large hayloft. There was one way up, a heavy rope ladder. The light coming in alerted them that they would be able to see out from the upper level. Daryl took the lead. He gripped his knife handle in his teeth to assure it was at the ready. The hayloft was dimly lit because of how dark it was outside. Daryl quickly realized it was empty of any threats. The sound of something hitting the roof caused Daryl to look out the nearby window. "It's hailing." 

"This day just keeps getting better." Rick pulled the rope up so nothing could come up without their knowledge. Daryl heard the other man's heavy sigh. The loft was only on one side of the barn. There was nothing around them but hay. 

"We're outta tha storm an' outta sight. Might as well rest while we can." 

"Yeah. Rest." 

Daryl noted the hiss in Rick's voice. He decided to go ahead and deal with the issue, head on. "Ain't nothin' but friendship 'tween me an' Paul. Meant what I said in tha letter; I'm yers. Didn't go ta Hilltop ta fuck my feelings out on someone else." 

"Figured it might have happened before you got my letters."

Daryl shook his head. "Wasn't ever gonna happen. Letters er not. He told me ya hit him. Cause ya thought something was goin' on?"

"He was so fucking happy to have you with him. ‘With him’. That's how it sounded. Not at Hilltop but with him."

"Wasn't never with him Rick. I needed a friend, that's what he is; mah friend." 

"Tell me you didn't think about it Daryl!"

Daryl glared at Rick. Rick dropped his head shamefully. Rick probably wanted Daryl to say yes he had thought about it, if only to assuage Rick’s own guilt for the pain he had caused Daryl. Daryl felt like the storm had condensed itself and now was inside of him. Rick wasn't a stupid man. Daryl knew that Rick knew how deep Daryl's loyalty ran.

"Nah. Didn't think 'bout that. Can tell ya what I did think 'bout." He started walking toward Rick like he was stalking prey. He kept moving until he had Rick backed into a tall stack of hay bales. 

He heard the catch of Rick's breath. "Thought 'bout you. Thought 'bout you begging me ta come back ta ya. Why is that?" Daryl's voice was a husky growl. 

Rick just blinked. He didn't speak. His tongue darted skittishly across his bottom lip. 

"Cause ya knew what I know even though ya wouldn’ admit it. Yer mine." Daryl's hand wrapped itself in the thick curls at the back Rick's head. He tugged Rick forward roughly. Their lips met in a rush. It wasn't sweet or gentle. Daryl bit at Rick's bottom lip. His tongue demanded entrance. Rick moaned as he let Daryl's tongue explore his mouth.

"Thought 'bout these lips." Daryl kissed them again. 

"Thought 'bout these hands." He took Rick's hands and raised them above their heads. Pinning them to the hay. 

The hay and Daryl's body were the only things keeping Rick upright. Daryl knew that Rick needed some type of release for the spring trigger on his emotions as well as his body. Daryl refused to fight with him. Instead he pushed Rick further into the hay. Daryl shoved his knee between Rick's legs. Rick moaned into Daryl's mouth. 

"Ya like that?" Daryl ground his knee up against Rick's crotch. Rick's hips bucked at the contact. 

"Pl.....ffffff....." Rick was making no sense. 

"Don't talk. Jus' feel." Daryl swept his tongue into Rick's mouth again. The taste of Rick making Daryl groan in lust. He wanted more. He broke their kiss to nip at Rick's earlobe. He bit the sensitive flesh there. Rick keened desperately as he began to ride Daryl's knee. 

"Rut 'gainst me jus' like that. Feels good don't it?" 

Daryl let go of Rick's hands. Rick's eyes were wide as Daryl's right hand covered his denim clad cock. The heaviness must have felt good because Rick bit his lip and moaned loudly. Rick nodded frantically but no words came from his mouth. 

Rick's hands grabbed Daryl's ass pulling him closer. Their chests, hips, and erections all bumped together. Rick licked at the juncture where Daryl's neck met his shoulders. He kissed down to the other man's collarbone. Daryl moaned loudly into the roar of the storm as Rick sucked a mark into the skin there. 

"Go 'head. Mark me. Want it where anyone can see. Got nothin' ta hide. Want 'em ta know I'm yers. 'Cause I am. Me leaving didn't change that. I been yers a long time." 

Rick growled low and sucked harder on the spot. Daryl writhed against him the sensation sending jolts of pleasure through his body. Daryl's hand stroked Rick's cock through the fabric as he licked a stripe down Rick's neck. He unbuttoned and unzipped Rick's jeans. Daryl felt Rick's teeth graze his skin lightly as he released Rick's cock from its confines. Daryl wrapped his hand around the thick length then stroked up very slowly once. 

Rick's hips snapped up chasing the wonderful pull and drag of Daryl's hand. "Christ Daryl." Rick bared his teeth, the muscles in his neck twitching. 

"Don't gotta hold back on me Rick. Not ever. Not 'bout anythang." Daryl's tone was serious but soft. 

Daryl looked into Rick's eyes. He knew the other man was inches away from unraveling. He only had a moment to make his point. He squeezed Rick's cock. "This's mine too. You put in it anybody from now on, it's gonna be me” he growled possessively. 

"Yours Daryl, and you’re mine." Rick's voice was strained with his arousal. 

"Good. Glad we got that settled." Daryl kissed Rick passionately before he dropped to his knees. He swallowed Rick's cock in one fluid motion. 

Rick whimpered then cried out when Daryl ran his tongue over Rick's cock as he sucked it.

Daryl had dreamt about sucking Rick off. None of his dreams had been this good. Rick bucked his hips desperately as he moaned loudly. 

"So good...not going to last Daryl." Rick stroked Daryl's hair. 

Daryl didn't verbally respond. Instead he let Rick slide almost completely out of his mouth. Daryl mouthed the tip, dipping the tip of his tongue into Rick's slit. He grinned as Rick shivered. Daryl suckled the head for a moment. He rolled Rick's balls in his hand. When he swallowed Rick again the head of Rick's cock hit the back of Daryl's throat. Daryl hummed as he looked up to watch Rick's face. 

"Fffffffuck!!!" Rick screamed then moaned as he came in Daryl's mouth. His hips bucking almost frantically as pleasure overtook him. 

Daryl swallowed it all with a soft moan. He licked Rick clean and put him away. Rick swayed slightly and Daryl caught him. "I got ya."

Rick leaned heavily into Daryl. Daryl moved them until they were reclined comfortably on a blanket that was left in the hayloft. Slowly Rick's breathing returned to normal. Daryl watched Rick from the corner of his eye. Rick's face was relaxed but there was an underlying sadness that Daryl easily read. They lay side by side in silence listening to the driving rain. 

Rick finally broke the silence. "I had no right to accuse you of anything Daryl." Rick looked down at his boots. 

"Yer a jealous ass. Ya also panicked an' ran from me. I may have physically left ta go ta Hilltop but yer tha one that ran away." Daryl pulled Rick into his arms. Rick's head rested on Daryl's shoulder. 

Rick nodded. "You're right." He nuzzled Daryl's neck. He buried his face in Daryl's shoulder. 

Daryl felt the tension that was still in Rick's body. He ran his hand over Rick's back. "S'right." 

"I'm so sorry Daryl." Rick broke as the words flowed. The sobs wracked through Rick's body. 

"Shhhh. It's gonna be a'right. Me an' you, we're good." Daryl pressed a kiss into Rick's curls. Daryl knew Rick was releasing everything that had been pent up in him since Daryl left. He was letting it all go into Daryl's arms. Daryl took it gladly. He wrapped Rick tightly in his strong arms. As the rain slowed to a drizzle Rick's tears slowed as well. Daryl smiled as he heard the soft even breath that signified that Rick asleep. 

Daryl woke to light kisses on his neck. "Mmm" he sighed. He knew it was Rick and not a dream by the scratch from the scruff of beard and the feel of soft lips. The light indicated it was morning. The storm had passed during the night. 

"Mornin'" Daryl's voice was gruff and jarring in the silence. 

"Good morning." Rick smiled up at him. "I didn't thank you for last night." 

"Don't gotta ta thank me. Ya know I'm here fer ya." Daryl ran his hand through Rick's hair. 

"I didn't get a chance to return the favor." Rick sucked on the mark he had left on Daryl's collarbone. 

"Ya will, but we better get movin' now." 

Rick pouted. 

Daryl groaned then sucked Rick's bottom lip into his mouth. "Much as I would love ta let ya, we got ta go." He met Rick's eye. "Trust me, 'M take ya up on returning tha favor." 

"When we get our boy back the four of us are not leaving the house for a while." 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I want some family time." 

"Sounds good. Little alone time sounds good too."

Rick winked. "Yeah it does." He kissed Daryl lazily. 

"Hope that attic is sound proof. I'm loud an' I want ya ta fuck me through tha mattress often as we can." 

Daryl chuckled at the gaping shock on Rick's face. He kissed Rick's nose as he got up and started getting ready to leave.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning!!!
> 
> Also some tags have been added

Paul opened the gates for them when they arrived at Hilltop. Daryl was happy to see his friend but kept it in check when he noted the scowl on Rick's face as Paul leaned in the window. "I'm guessing bad news." 

Daryl nodded. "Negan's got him and keeping him close." 

"Fuck. I'm so sorry Rick. What can I do to help?"

Daryl saw Rick's face soften at the offer of help. "We need anyone wilin' ta fight. We got one o’ his henchman an' one o’ his wives as hostages. Think I'll go make that sick fuck an offer. Not stupid enough ta go without backup." 

Paul nodded. "Whatever you need Daryl. I got your back." 

Daryl tensed as Rick growled. He shot Rick a stern warning look. 

Paul must have read the situation quickly and correctly. He held his hands up in a surrender type gesture. "I've got both your backs." 

"Thanks man." Daryl grunted. 

As they pulled the car into the compound Daryl shot Rick another hard look. "Ya gonna keep that shit up tha whole time, I'll leave yer ass in Alexandria when we get back." 

Rick sputtered. His mouth gaped open. "You wouldn't! He's my son!"

"The hell I wouldn't! Ya actin’ like a jealous husband will get us all killed!" 

Rick laughed. "That make you my wife?"

"Rick." Daryl tried to hide the tiny smile that played at his lips. "No. Ya ain't asked me an' with ya actin' a big ass I might not say yes." 

Daryl's tone was so full of sass that Rick burst into laughter. 

"So if I ask real nice..." Rick trailed his hand up Daryl's thigh, playing with the denim beneath his fingers. 

"Rick." The word was a warning. 

"Yes baby?" Rick's tone was so full of sugar it practically dripped. 

Daryl growled. He slammed the car into park. Lightning quick he grabbed Rick by the hair, pulling him close. Their lips clashed together in a rush. Daryl swept his tongue inside Rick's mouth. After several minutes of exploring each other Daryl pulled away. "Ya damn tease. Behave! We got ta focus." 

Rick laughed softy. "Just don't want you forgetting who you belong to baby." 

Daryl's tone was sweet but serious. "Never." He pecked Rick on the lips. "Let's go, we got work ta do." 

 

 

By the end of the day they had gathered people and supplies. Daryl had expected to have a fight on his hands with Gregory. However after seeing both Rick and Daryl side by side ready to take him on, he backed down. 

Sasha and Aaron were ready to head back with them the next morning. Glenn, Maggie, and baby Hershel were going to stay at Hilltop a while longer. Daryl watched Rick as the man held lil Slugger. Rick was a great dad. Daryl's heart twisted at the pain Rick must be feeling over Carl's abduction. It was tearing Daryl up inside; he knew it was a hundred times worse on Rick. 

"That's some hickey Dixon." Sasha grinned at Daryl bringing him from his thoughts. 

"Mhm, Rick's mark. Stakin’ his claim." 

Sasha nodded. "I can see that. Warn Jesus and any of the others to back off." 

Daryl scoffed. The idea that anyone would want him was so foreign it shocked Daryl. 

"You are something else." 

"Wha?" Daryl was genuinely confused. 

"You don't see yourself at all the way everyone else does. People are either in awe of you or trying to find out how to get you in their bed." Sasha laughed. 

"Yer full o' shit Sash." 

"Ask Maggie. Ask Aaron. Hell ask Abraham! I'd say ask Jesus but Rick has already hit him once." 

Daryl shook his head. Rick walked over with the baby in his arms. "What are you two plotting about?" 

"I'm just telling Daryl that people either see him as the biggest badass left on earth or sex on legs." 

Rick choked. The baby gurgled at the jerky movements. After he recovered he looked straight at Daryl. Rick's blue eyes twirling into dark pools. "She's right you know, and I happen to think both." With that he walked off. 

Daryl felt his face going up in flames. He tried to hide the blush behind his hair. He shot a glare at Sasha who was barely holding back a laugh. "Shuddup." 

 

 

Rick and Daryl headed out to Daryl's tent that evening. It was still set up just the way Daryl left it. He found the bottle of whiskey, tea bags, and two mugs set out by the fire pit. He knew Paul had left it for them. There were two sleeping bags zipped together in the tent too. Daryl shook his head and chuckled. "Guess this is his idea of a honeymoon suite fer us." 

Rick's eyebrow quirked up, "huh?" 

"Paul musta done this." He indicated the tent and the items near the fire pit with a sweep of his hand. 

Rick scratched his hand through his beard. "Thought I saw him out here earlier." 

"Feel like an ass yet?" 

"Maybe." 

"Ain't sharing tha whiskey." 

"Fine. I'll just taste it off your lips." 

Daryl moaned softly. He knew once Carl was home safely that Rick was going to completely wreck him. He didn't mind one damn bit. 

"Ya always been this much of a damn tease Rick?" 

Rick shook his head. "Never been anything like I am with you." He stepped closer to Daryl, holding out his hand.

Daryl laced his fingers with Rick's. "Ya ain't gotta sweet talk me."

"I'm not. I'm telling you the truth. I knew you'd be my undoing if I surrendered to you. You make me feel things no one ever has. Not Shane, not Lori, not Jessie, not Michonne; no one." 

Daryl's eyes narrowed. "Tell me you didn't fuck Shane." 

Rick scoffed. "You can't be jealous of a dead man. A man I killed." 

"Can be if he had you." 

Rick smiled. "No, he didn't. We kissed a little once when we were drunk in high school. It was enough to let me know I liked both men and women. It let Shane know he was only into women." 

As if to wipe the memory from his mind, Daryl placed his hand on Rick's neck. Very slowly he pulled the man in. Daryl licked Rick's lips before parting them with his tongue. The kiss was passionate, slow and full of heat. 

"We better get to bed, got a long day tomorrow." Rick ran his fingers over his mark on Daryl's collarbone. 

"Mhm. One drink ta unwind then we'll call it a night. Ya just want me in bed." 

"Thought you weren't sharing." Rick dipped his head to suck on the mark again, deepening the color. "Getting you in bed is never a bad idea."

"Can't tell ya no, Rick." Daryl sighed deeply. 

"I'll keep that in mind." Rick caressed Daryl's chest. 

Daryl fixed them both a cup of tea with a splash of whiskey. He could feel the eyes on his back. He knew it was Paul. He also knew the other man wouldn't come down to the fire. In thanks for what the man had done at the campsite, Daryl held his mug up in the air for a moment. As he felt the stare fade he lowered the mug. If Rick noticed he didn't say anything. 

 

 

Daryl woke and rose before the sunrise. He was busy checking the supplies when he felt a hand on his shoulder. The grip was too tight. Daryl stiffened immediately. The smell of liquor hit him before he even turned to face the person. He wrenched his body away. "Wha' tha hell ya want Gregory?" 

The older man stared Daryl down. "I want to know what I'm getting in return for you taking most of my able bodied men and half of my supplies." 

"Ya get rid of Negan. That's enough."

"See, I don't think it is." 

Daryl's crossbow was at the campsite. He had his knife and a pistol on him if he needed them. Gregory pushed drunkenly toward him. Daryl was reminded of all the times his biological father or his father's friends had done the same thing. That same nasty expression smearing his face. The awful stench of sweat, dirt, body odor, and hard liquor filled his lungs. Flashbacks hit Daryl full force. He felt as if he had been sucker punched. 

Gregory lunged at Daryl. Hate, anger, and hunger apparent in his eyes. Daryl forced himself to focus. Mentally he was screaming at himself, "get yer shit together Dixon! Don't let this fucker touch you." Daryl was able to sidestep the man quickly. Gregory stumbled forward falling against the truck. 

"Leave me tha hell alone old man" Daryl groused. 

He walked away from the supply truck shaking his head clear. He didn't realize Gregory was right on his heels. The hand that grabbed his hair was rough. Daryl was snatched down to his knees as his legs crumpled painfully beneath him. 

"That's a good bitch. On your knees. The way I see it, you come in here and take just what you want. That ain't very nice Daryl." 

The way Gregory said his name made Daryl's skin crawl. 

"I think it's time you learn some manners." He pressed his face close to Daryl's. 

On instinct Daryl head butted him. He also spat at the vile man for good measure. 

"You little shit!" Gregory fell back but his grip on Daryl's hair never faltered. Instead he pulled Daryl's head back until it snapped hard enough to jar his neck. The cracking sound it made popped in the air. 

"You're gonna fucking regret that" Gregory kicked Daryl in the stomach. Gregory began yanking his pants open. 

"Not half as much as you are, you fucking prick." Paul's voice was as welcome as rain in a desert to Daryl.

"Get your fucking hands off him Gregory! Now!" Paul's tone was laced with steel. He was not playing around. As Gregory released his grip Daryl slowly got up on his throbbing knee that had been crushed into the ground hard. 

Paul had his gun drawn on Gregory. "Daryl, you okay?" 

Daryl checked his knee. The skin wasn't broken but it was sore and already very swollen. He moved his neck checking the condition of it. "Yeah, 'm good." 

Paul didn't lower his gun. "What the fuck is your problem, Gregory?" Paul didn't wait for an answer. "How many young men have you pulled this shit on you sick bastard?" 

Daryl saw the anger in Paul's eyes. He began to think that Paul hadn't told him the whole truth about that incident with Gregory. Gregory stood shakily between the two men. His face was a mask of disgust. "Fuck you." 

Paul's finger twitched over the trigger. "You're a stupid asshole you know that? You go and make an unwanted and violent advance on Rick Grimes' man as well as a personal friend of mine. Do you have a fucking death wish? That man will rip you apart limb by limb with his bare hands, then beat your bloody stump and leave you to turn. You really have no idea who you are fucking with here." 

Daryl tried to focus as Rick rounded the corner. Daryl was beyond capable of taking care of himself but the flashbacks as well as the pain wracking his body threw him off. He swayed unsteadily. He felt a strong wall against his side. "I've got you baby." Rick's voice was soothing in his ear.

"Thanks man," Rick's tone was soft as he spoke to Paul. 

"You got it." Paul offered Rick a friendly smile. 

"You have plans for him?" 

"Yeah, think I'll let some of the boys take him to the basement cell and lock his sorry ass up. We have a council of people to decide things in case of emergencies. I think this qualifies. I know this is at least the second time he's pulled this shit." 

Rick made a sound of disgust. "You okay?" Paul's hand was steady but his eyes conveyed a storm of emotions. 

"Yeah. Just glad I was close by."

Rick clapped Paul on the shoulder. "Me too." 

Daryl slumped against Rick. He concentrated on keeping his breathing slow and even. He felt Rick turn them. As he opened his eyes he saw Gregory sneering at him. He didn't hear what the asshole said. Quick as a rabbit Daryl was placed gently on the ground. He watched as Rick punched Gregory so hard he heard teeth shattering. 

"You don't look at him. You don't talk to him. You sure as fuck don't ever call him that again. You never ever fucking touch him again! You're lucky my son is missing or you wouldn't live to see sunset today." 

Gregory lay in a heap holding his busted nose and mouth. He groaned pitifully. Daryl didn't feel even an ounce of sympathy for him. He felt himself being lifted gently by strong familiar arms. 

"Come on darlin'. We'll get the doc to look you over." Rick spoke to Paul then. "You got this?" 

"Got this completely covered." 

Daryl normally would have protested about being carried like a child or a bride but he felt beyond drained. He didn't have the energy to argue. 

"Relax Dar. Let me take care of you for once." Rick placed a kiss on Daryl's forehead. 

Daryl sighed and let himself melt into Rick. 

The doc checked Daryl over thoroughly. He wrapped the swollen knee before deciding Daryl was good to go. Daryl still felt a little shaky from the flashbacks. 

"Daryl, have you ever had a panic attack?" 

"Nah." 

Doc nodded. "You seem a little shaken up." 

Daryl chewed his bottom lip. "'M good Doc." 

The doctor nodded, but didn't believe Daryl. The doc had experience with PTSD. He worked with veterans suffering from the condition prior to the walker outbreak. Daryl was exhibiting behavior that spoke of a patient suffering flashbacks from prior trauma.

"Don't bottle it up Daryl. Talk it out with someone." 

He handed Daryl a bottle of pain pills. "If the pain gets too bad. I'd tell you to stay off that knee for at least twenty four hours but I know that isn't going to happen." 

Daryl huffed a little. He shoved the bottle in his pocket before walking out. Rick was waiting on him outside the medical building. Rick's face was filled with worry. 

"Hey baby. How're you feeling?" Rick reached out and stroked Daryl's cheek. "Sorry I couldn't stay with you. Doc ran me off. He said I was too angry to be in there. He probably had a point.” 

Daryl didn't hesitate to step into Rick's arms. He needed the grounding contact. He had to get his head back in the game for Carl's sake. Daryl didn't answer Rick. Instead he just hugged him tightly. Daryl buried his face in Rick's neck. 

"Want to talk about it?" Rick rubbed Daryl's back slowly. 

"Not yet." 

Rick nodded. "Whenever you're ready I'll be here." 

Daryl pulled out of Rick's arms. It was still early but they had a lot to do. "We better get goin'." 

 

 

Within an hour Daryl, Rick, Sasha, Aaron, Paul and about fifteen others were climbing into vehicles, ready to leave. Daryl and Rick has said their goodbyes to Glenn, Maggie, and the baby. The council agreed that Gregory was better off locked in the cell until Paul got back and they could decide a suitable punishment. Gregory was immediately relieved of his leadership duties. 

Daryl handed the keys to Rick. "You drive." 

Rick gave Daryl a sideways look. "Okay." 

They had the vehicle to themselves. Daryl crawled into the passenger seat. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He could feel Rick's eyes on him. "Yer starin'." 

Rick's laugh tickled Daryl's ears. "Like what I see."

"I don't 'member ya bein' so damn corny before, Rick."

Rick's mock scoff made the corners of Daryl's mouth tick up. "It's romantic not corny, you ass."

Daryl let go and laughed heartily. "It's yer story chief, ya write it anyway ya want." 

They rode in silence. Daryl opened his eyes to look out the window at the passing scenery. Daryl reached into his pocket for a cigarette. He lit it, inhaling deeply. His right knee jumped nervously against the car door. With his free hand Daryl chewed his thumb in between puffs of smoke. 

When Rick's hand gently grabbed Daryl's wrist to pull the thumb from his mouth, Daryl jumped. He noted the frown on Rick's face. "Sorry, ain't you." 

Daryl turned his body toward the door curling in on himself. 

"If we need to pull over baby we can." 

Daryl shook his head. "Nah got too much to do. Gotta get back. Gotta get Carl safe." 

He heard Rick sigh. "We do. We also need to take care of ourselves. I'm sorry that asshole attacked you. I wish I had been there." 

"Weren't no attack.” Daryl’s voice was thick with defensiveness. 

"What would you call it Daryl?" 

"Nuthin'." 

"It wasn't nothing." Daryl shivered but didn't flinch or jump when Rick's strong fingers closed around his. 

"Yeah it was.” 

Rick’s voice was a protective growl. “He had no right to try something, no right to touch you." 

Daryl shut his eyes on painful memories of other old drunk bastards who tried to paw at him. He could still hear his Pa's cancerous laughter and liquor slurred voice. "Pretty like his mama. She liked it on her knees too." 

He saw himself in the hayloft with Rick, on his knees. He shuddered as his stomach flipped and twisted. He answered the cruel echo in his trigger sensitive mind. "Tha's different. We love each other. Makes it different."

Rick didn't ask who he was talking to or for any explanation. He threaded his fingers with Daryl's. Daryl sighed at the reassuring touch. He was grown, he was safe, he had people that loved him; that would fight for him. He no longer had to hide in the woods to avoid grabbing hands and undressing eyes. 

Daryl's voice was no louder than the flutter of butterfly wings. "Jus' brought up shit best left alone." 

Despite the soft tone, Rick must have heard him. "You don't have to tell me anything baby." 

Daryl gave Rick's hand a loving squeeze. " I want to. Jus' not now. Ain't got tha words or tha time fer that right now." 

"Take your time." Daryl glanced at Rick from the corner of his eyes. Rick watched Daryl closely. A look of worry settling into the creases in Rick's brow. 

Daryl really did long to confide in Rick. He wanted to lay his secrets, sins, burdens, bellyaches, fears, and fantasies down around the man he loved so that he could finally have someone who knew him completely yet loved him still. Reasonably he knew that nothing he told Rick would change how the other man felt about him. Yet he still struggled with insecurities not to mention his stubborn pride. 

 

 

They pulled into Alexandria well before dark. Daryl's plan was to head straight to Dwight's cell. When he stood his leg threatened to buckle. His knee throbbed. Rick came around the car to him. He slipped his arm around Daryl's waist. "Come on. Gonna get you home off that knee. We need you for this mission Daryl, can't do it without you. You can't do it on a bum leg." 

Daryl let out a frustrated sigh. Even though inwardly he would admit Rick had a point, it still pissed him off. The whole situation made him angry with himself. He huffed. He limped as he took a step. "Fuck," he hissed. "Don't got time fer this shit."

Rick rubbed soothing circles in his back. "Not your fault darlin', but you have to take time to heal." 

"Tha fuck it ain't my fault Rick!" Daryl tried to turn on him but wobbled and fell into Rick's embrace. "I let him get tha jump on me. Jus' cause I got stuck in my own fuckin' head. Stupid, so damn stupid!" Daryl's voice broke like glass shattering against concrete. 

Rick pulled him tightly into an embrace. "I hate I wasn't there to help you sooner. Nothing you did caused this. None of this was your fault. I don't know what that bastard's actions stirred up in your brain but it's a safe bet that none of that was your fault either. I hate that anything bad has ever happened to you. You don't deserve it Daryl." 

"Bad shit happens to everyone Rick. No one deserves tha type of pain yer in with Carl gone. Carl didn't deserve ta be taken. Fucked up shit is always gonna happen. We can't stop it but we can try ta fix it." 

"What can I do to help you try to fix this baby?" Rick stroked a finger lightly down Daryl's cheek. Daryl's breath caught and his eyes fluttered closed at the contact. 

"I dunno. Never tried ta fix it b'fore. Jus' shoved it deep in tha back an' kept movin'." 

Rick pressed his forehead to Daryl's. "No more okay? You've got me to lean on now. No more running. We'll face it together." 

Daryl sighed softly. He curled a finger around one of Rick's out of control curls. "Just like we'll face Negan and get our boy back together." 

 

“Let's get you in the house and off that knee.” Rick scooped Daryl up into arms for the second time that day. Also for the second time Daryl didn't argue, instead he sighed into Rick’s neck as he wrapped his arm’s around Rick’s shoulders. 

Daryl wasn't used to laying in bed before the sun went down for the day, but Rick had insisted on him getting into something comfortable and settling into bed. Daryl’s eyes narrowed as Rick approached him with a bottle of water and the bottle of pills. “Ain't takin’ that shit.” 

“You need the rest. Half of one of these will relax you enough to ease the pain and give you some deep sleep. We’ll put the others away for later.” 

Daryl turned his face away. “Don't need ‘em.” 

“Daryl, you've had a really hard day. Your knee is swollen and you're in pain. Don't deny it, I saw you flinch when you tried to put your full weight on that leg earlier.” 

Daryl sighed heavily. He knew Rick was right but hated to admit it. He didn't want to take any pain medication and be left alone. He didn't feel safe enough to be knocked out. “Maybe when ya get back?” 

Rick sat the bottle of water as well as the pill bottle on the nightstand. He knelt by the bed. “I can stay with you. We can go deal with that asshole together tomorrow. I know you didn't plan for us to leave until nightfall, we’ll have plenty of time.” He took Daryl’s hand, he sweetly kissed the palm of it. “You're safe with me Daryl. I won't leave you. I won't let anything hurt you. Please take the pain killer. I'll be right here. I promise.” 

Daryl’s breath caught at the soft sincerity in Rick's tone as well as the tender, loving look in his eyes. He didn't trust himself to speak so he only nodded. He took the half pill and the water Rick offered. He curled up on his side before closing his eyes. He felt the bed dip with Rick’s weight. He smiled as he was pulled back against Rick’s chest, content to be little spoon. The pill went to work quickly. The last thing Daryl remembered before drifting to sleep was Rick faintly, intimately humming in his ear.


End file.
